relationships

Recovery Myths – Recovered 400

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Mark, Joe, Aaron, and Russ discuss Recovery Myths. We talk about some of the misconceptions we held to be true before when came into the program. We also talked about some of the surprises we found in the fellowship after we came into the program. Joe began the program by sharing that he had the typical view of the alcohol that was different than himself. Before the program, Joe thought that an alcoholic lived under a bridge, was homeless, was old, and suffering physically. Joe came into the program at 24 years old and a college graduate. Although he was suffering and felt hopeless, he didn’t match his own situation with what he thought an alcoholic looked like. Joe thought he still had a choice when it came to drinking. After he spent a little time in the fellowship, he realized he really didn’t have a choice in the drinking game.

 Russ talked about what he thought someone in recovery looked like. He thought that he would have to give up fun and become boring just like every other person in recovery. Russ also thought that he had a choice with regards to drinking because if he admitted that he didn’t he would have to do something about it; he didn’t want to do this. Russ shared that what he thought an alcoholic looked like. As a kid, he would walk to a nearby treatment hospital and he could see the patients locked into a facility. This image of an inmate didn’t match up with his self image before he came into the program. He thought he was having fun.

 Joe shared that he was surprised that e could have fun in the program. Aaron didn’t have some false different than others. he didn’t have some false sense of what an alcoholic looked like. Aaron had no pre-misconceptions of recovery looked like, he knew nothing of the program Russ shared that he was surprised about how much better he felt better physically in early recovery.

Year in Review – Recovered 395

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This Episode is sponsored by Siegfried W.

Mark, Joe, Spencer, and Russ discuss their successes and failures in 2012.  Joe started the show by talking about how his work in the program has paid off this year.  The living amends Joe worked on paid off in his family relations, especially with his father, sister, and nephew.  Joe said that he received so much more than sobriety by working the steps.  The program gave him the tools to change so that his family relationships could grow.

Spencer talked about the power of steps 6 and 7.  He had worked these steps previously, but this time he really explored some fear areas of his life and he was more ready to accept them as part of his life.  By working these steps, he received relief.  As soon as he was ready, the grip on him started to be removed and he got relief.  Spencer understands that he is being relieved of these fears, they are not gone, but lessened.  There is work to be done and habits have been formed around these fears and he is working on it.  It is a relief for Spencer to talk about these fears.

Russ shared about his ability to be a citizen of the world.  Russ is more aware of his gratitude for opportunities because of his sobriety.  There have been ups and downs but he is more aware of the necessity to be open minded.  He has discovered the gifts of the program but is also aware there is more work to be done.  Just like if he was to receive a new car as a gift, he still would have to change the oil and do a maintenance program to take care of the gift.  Russ shared that growth implies change and sometimes change can be painful.

Mark shared that his so grateful to be able to go through the difficult moments sober, like the death of his son.  He is grateful for the program and the fellowship so that he can feel the feelings and not have to take a drink to cope.  Mark shared that he has more awareness of his need for his higher power.  Mark is also more aware his profound love for the people around him.  These are both gifts of the program.

Recovered 393 Show Notes – Relationships

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Tonight, Mark, Joe, Aaron, and Russ gather and discuss relationships.  We discussed how to determine if relationships are healthy, toxic, and how to disengage if they are toxic  .Joe began the show by reflecting on how relationships can be helpful in recovery.  By being in the fellowship, Joe learned how to have fun.  He thought that when he first came into the program, his life with fun in it was over.  Being able to talk and relate with others have helped him in recovery.  Healthy relationships have taught Joe how to live.

Aaron shared that relationships have improved since he came into the program.  He now hangs around with crazy AA people he now calls friends.  Friendships outside the fellowship have improved and increases.  Mark shared that friends inside AA have helped him by challenging him.  When Russ first came around, he had no idea what a healthy relationship was.  At first, Russ made a few very good and close friends; all his drinking buddies fell away right away.  Aaron shared that when he first came in, his old friends still wanted to hang out.  Aaron said he had to separate himself from these toxic relations which was very difficult.  Russ said that he first began healthy relationships at meetings.  Russ old idea of having fun with friends turned out be very dangerous for him.  Early in the program, Russ began to share what he thought was feelings with other men for the first time.  At first, the only feeling he was aware of was anger.  Russ’ social life began by attending sober parties, playing cards, and he even learned how to play backgammon.  Mark could relate with only allowing anger to be felt as a feeling, but the program taught him that anger was a mask covering deeper feelings.

Russ shared that when he becomes obsessive with someone, this is a red flag indicating a toxic relationship.  When someone demands all his time, this is a toxic indicator.  Russ said that he makes mistakes all the time when it comes to being able to detect toxicity in a relationship.  With time, he discovered that he had a 6th sense when it comes to bad relationships; now he pays attention when these feeling bubble up.

Aaron said that when he looses a sense of self in the relationship, this is bad for him.  Also, when a relationship becomes a deterrent to the fellowship, this is a warning sign for him.  Russ and Aaron both indicated that a toxic relationship is determined by how they react to a person, not necessarily how the other person acts.  Joe shared that figuring out people is very difficult for him.  Joe said that when he first same into the fellowship, he thought that his relationship with his father was toxic.  But after some time in the program, Joe has a healthier relationship with his father.  The program helped Joe work through some issues around his father which allowed him to be more loving, patient and tolerant with his father, which has been positive with his relationship with his dad.