dating

Recovered 393 Show Notes – Relationships

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Tonight, Mark, Joe, Aaron, and Russ gather and discuss relationships.  We discussed how to determine if relationships are healthy, toxic, and how to disengage if they are toxic  .Joe began the show by reflecting on how relationships can be helpful in recovery.  By being in the fellowship, Joe learned how to have fun.  He thought that when he first came into the program, his life with fun in it was over.  Being able to talk and relate with others have helped him in recovery.  Healthy relationships have taught Joe how to live.

Aaron shared that relationships have improved since he came into the program.  He now hangs around with crazy AA people he now calls friends.  Friendships outside the fellowship have improved and increases.  Mark shared that friends inside AA have helped him by challenging him.  When Russ first came around, he had no idea what a healthy relationship was.  At first, Russ made a few very good and close friends; all his drinking buddies fell away right away.  Aaron shared that when he first came in, his old friends still wanted to hang out.  Aaron said he had to separate himself from these toxic relations which was very difficult.  Russ said that he first began healthy relationships at meetings.  Russ old idea of having fun with friends turned out be very dangerous for him.  Early in the program, Russ began to share what he thought was feelings with other men for the first time.  At first, the only feeling he was aware of was anger.  Russ’ social life began by attending sober parties, playing cards, and he even learned how to play backgammon.  Mark could relate with only allowing anger to be felt as a feeling, but the program taught him that anger was a mask covering deeper feelings.

Russ shared that when he becomes obsessive with someone, this is a red flag indicating a toxic relationship.  When someone demands all his time, this is a toxic indicator.  Russ said that he makes mistakes all the time when it comes to being able to detect toxicity in a relationship.  With time, he discovered that he had a 6th sense when it comes to bad relationships; now he pays attention when these feeling bubble up.

Aaron said that when he looses a sense of self in the relationship, this is bad for him.  Also, when a relationship becomes a deterrent to the fellowship, this is a warning sign for him.  Russ and Aaron both indicated that a toxic relationship is determined by how they react to a person, not necessarily how the other person acts.  Joe shared that figuring out people is very difficult for him.  Joe said that when he first same into the fellowship, he thought that his relationship with his father was toxic.  But after some time in the program, Joe has a healthier relationship with his father.  The program helped Joe work through some issues around his father which allowed him to be more loving, patient and tolerant with his father, which has been positive with his relationship with his dad.

Recovered 388 Show Notes – Dating in Recovery

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This week, three single guys talk about dating in recovery.  Mark talks with Joe, Aaron, and Chris about their experience, strength, and hope regarding dating in recovery.

Joe started by sharing that he was in relationship when he first came into the program.  Initially, the fact that Joe was sober helped their relationship. Unlike other women that Joe had dated before recovery, this woman didn’t drink much.  After about a year of being sober, they decided to part ways.  One of the reasons was that the fellowship took a lot of Joe’s attention.

Aaron came into the fellowship “single” and was terrified of the thought of dating in sobriety.  The main reason for this fear was that Aaron thought that everybody drank and he just didn’t want to be around drinking people early on.  After a little bit of time, Aaron realized that most people don’t drink like he used to.  The first person he dated was not in the fellowship and was a very light drinker.  Aaron didn’t think it to be appropriate or “ethical”  to date new people in the fellowship.

When Chris came into the program, Chris was married.  Initially, the program helped his marriage and she was supportive of his involvement in the fellowship.  However, Chris did stay at home with the kids for functions that included drinking when they would have gone as a couple.

Joe along with Aaron shared their reservations of dating people inside the fellowship; mainly because of their observations that it doesn’t work very well.  Joe shared about fear of dating someone who may relapse during the relationship. The panel also shared about the suggested “no relationships for a year” rule.

Alex and Russ called in.
Helen contributed with an email.

Recovered 388 – Dating in Recovery

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Our Recovery Topic is Dating in Recovery

what was it like?
what is it like now?
what is your experience?
what are some of the challenges?

Video Clips include:

Dating and Drinking
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci78g84Qx8U

Dating Independent Woman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pirSM5IjosY

How to Prevent Addictions for Youth – Jane Velez Mitchell on the Fix
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xb2vOvIYSNw&feature=em-subs_digest-newavtr

Check out this episode!

Recovered 388 Preview

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This week, Joe, Aaron, and Chris will discuss dating while in recovery.  They will discuss what their initial thoughts and fears were when they first came into the program and they will discuss what it is like now.  We will also discuss dating inside and outside the fellowship and the pluses and minuses of both options.

Please call into our voice mail system at 734-288-7510 and ask a question regarding dating in recovery.  If you don’t want to use your voice, please a comment on the blog or email us at feedback@recoveredcast.com and we will discuss it on Thursday’s show.

Hey, don’t forget to vote everyday at podcastawards.com for this podcast Recovered for the best in the Health/Fitness category.  Thanks, we are trying to arrange for one of our hosts to go to Las Vegas for the Awards Ceremony.