family

Year in Review – Recovered 395

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This Episode is sponsored by Siegfried W.

Mark, Joe, Spencer, and Russ discuss their successes and failures in 2012.  Joe started the show by talking about how his work in the program has paid off this year.  The living amends Joe worked on paid off in his family relations, especially with his father, sister, and nephew.  Joe said that he received so much more than sobriety by working the steps.  The program gave him the tools to change so that his family relationships could grow.

Spencer talked about the power of steps 6 and 7.  He had worked these steps previously, but this time he really explored some fear areas of his life and he was more ready to accept them as part of his life.  By working these steps, he received relief.  As soon as he was ready, the grip on him started to be removed and he got relief.  Spencer understands that he is being relieved of these fears, they are not gone, but lessened.  There is work to be done and habits have been formed around these fears and he is working on it.  It is a relief for Spencer to talk about these fears.

Russ shared about his ability to be a citizen of the world.  Russ is more aware of his gratitude for opportunities because of his sobriety.  There have been ups and downs but he is more aware of the necessity to be open minded.  He has discovered the gifts of the program but is also aware there is more work to be done.  Just like if he was to receive a new car as a gift, he still would have to change the oil and do a maintenance program to take care of the gift.  Russ shared that growth implies change and sometimes change can be painful.

Mark shared that his so grateful to be able to go through the difficult moments sober, like the death of his son.  He is grateful for the program and the fellowship so that he can feel the feelings and not have to take a drink to cope.  Mark shared that he has more awareness of his need for his higher power.  Mark is also more aware his profound love for the people around him.  These are both gifts of the program.

Recovered 393 Show Notes – Relationships

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Tonight, Mark, Joe, Aaron, and Russ gather and discuss relationships.  We discussed how to determine if relationships are healthy, toxic, and how to disengage if they are toxic  .Joe began the show by reflecting on how relationships can be helpful in recovery.  By being in the fellowship, Joe learned how to have fun.  He thought that when he first came into the program, his life with fun in it was over.  Being able to talk and relate with others have helped him in recovery.  Healthy relationships have taught Joe how to live.

Aaron shared that relationships have improved since he came into the program.  He now hangs around with crazy AA people he now calls friends.  Friendships outside the fellowship have improved and increases.  Mark shared that friends inside AA have helped him by challenging him.  When Russ first came around, he had no idea what a healthy relationship was.  At first, Russ made a few very good and close friends; all his drinking buddies fell away right away.  Aaron shared that when he first came in, his old friends still wanted to hang out.  Aaron said he had to separate himself from these toxic relations which was very difficult.  Russ said that he first began healthy relationships at meetings.  Russ old idea of having fun with friends turned out be very dangerous for him.  Early in the program, Russ began to share what he thought was feelings with other men for the first time.  At first, the only feeling he was aware of was anger.  Russ’ social life began by attending sober parties, playing cards, and he even learned how to play backgammon.  Mark could relate with only allowing anger to be felt as a feeling, but the program taught him that anger was a mask covering deeper feelings.

Russ shared that when he becomes obsessive with someone, this is a red flag indicating a toxic relationship.  When someone demands all his time, this is a toxic indicator.  Russ said that he makes mistakes all the time when it comes to being able to detect toxicity in a relationship.  With time, he discovered that he had a 6th sense when it comes to bad relationships; now he pays attention when these feeling bubble up.

Aaron said that when he looses a sense of self in the relationship, this is bad for him.  Also, when a relationship becomes a deterrent to the fellowship, this is a warning sign for him.  Russ and Aaron both indicated that a toxic relationship is determined by how they react to a person, not necessarily how the other person acts.  Joe shared that figuring out people is very difficult for him.  Joe said that when he first same into the fellowship, he thought that his relationship with his father was toxic.  But after some time in the program, Joe has a healthier relationship with his father.  The program helped Joe work through some issues around his father which allowed him to be more loving, patient and tolerant with his father, which has been positive with his relationship with his dad.

Recovered 389 – Gratitude

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Our Recovery Topic is Gratitude

Since it is the Thanksgiving holiday here in the U.S., I thought we’d take this opportunity to discuss the things we are grateful for.

Clips we will cover today include:

Video Clips include:

Jane Velez Mitchell – What if You Accidentally Take a Sip, Is it a Slip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO0GKU5SNQM&feature=relmfu

Check out this episode!

Recovered 382 Show Notes – Hitting Bottom

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Mark, Joe, Spencer, and Russ discuss our recovery topic: Hitting Bottom
Hitting Bottom is that moment when life has become so painful that recovery is made possible.

During the Interview Segment, we talked to Bob, Kyle, and Liz about the Recovery Topic: Hitting Bottom

Helen Sponsored our show tonight by making a generous contribution to the show by using the paypal donation button on the site.  THANK YOU HELEN! Helen, an Al-Anon, also emailed us and we shared her thoughts.

Lisa from Illinois called in and let us know she nominated this podcast as best in Life and Fitness for the annual Podcast Awards.  You can do this too at

Podcast Awards

Lisa shared her thoughts regarding last week’s topic: expectations.  Thank you Lisa.

Regarding our recovery topic, Joe started the show off by telling us about his one year long approach to his bottom.  The decline began with a failed suicide attempt, a secrete he kept until doing his 5th step.

Spencer, an Al-Anon, shared that Al-anons also have bottoms which helps them to reach out for help.  Spencer described his bottom in terms of when his loved one confessed to him that they didn’t think they could live sober.  The realization that his loved one may not get recovery lead to a feeling of despair and loneliness, similar feelings as Joe shared.

Russ shared that he could relate to both Joe and Spencer’s stories.  Russ has a moment of clarity when he read his Physician’s medical notes and the said that Russ was a CHRONIC alcoholic.  That category gave him a moment of pause that lead him to recovery.

Recovered 373 – Andrew S.

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My sponsor, Russ, and a friend of Andrew, Joe, take the time to discuss memories, triumphs, and struggles we experienced with Andrew.  Russ met Andrew in 2003 when he was 16 and Joe spent alot of time 6 years later when Joe was new. Chess, service work and humor are the things that Andrew shared with everyone he encountered.

Andrew helped me start this podcast in the fall of 2007.  I used to email demo episodes to him for his critique.  Andrew also helped me start Canton Candlelight, my home group in the fall of 2008.

Recovered 372 – In Memory of Andrew Mark S.

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Andrew S.
June 9, 1986 – July 2, 2012

On July 2,2012, my first born son, Andrew S., died suddenly.  He was only 26 years old.  Andrew took me to my first AA meeting and taught me so many things.

Recovered 366 – Barefoot, Podcast History

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Tonight’s Recovery Topic is Barefoot, The History of the Podcast

Since none of our guest hosts were available, Mark decided to publish a solo podcast, the first one in over a year.

In 2007, I first started experimentation with recorded voice in response to an especially difficult sponsee.  I used the podcast as a way to talk to myself and I discovered I didn’t know what to do.  It was good thing that I just recorded these conversations rather than give this advise, since I didn’t know what I was doing.  This was apparent when I listened to the play backs.  These recordings were never published and I destroyed all evidence.

I started the early recordings using the software package: Castblaster.  I purchased an inexpensive dynamic microphone from Radio Shack and I was off and running.  By listening to other podcasts, I learned that Libsyn was the best place to have my audio files hosted.  This is the actual place that stores the audio files and they also established and control my RSS feed.  Libsyn provides a primitive Website and I used that feature to host my website as well at first.  The next step was to improve the website by moving to Blogger.

The next step in the show’s evolution was the upgrade in microphone and the purchase of a mixer.  These improvements made the audio quality better.  Podcasts I was listening to included: Nobody’s Listening, The Cardinal Arize Podcast, Monster Cookies, The Daily Source Code, and No Agenda.

The addition of Bill as Co-Host marked a significant point in the podcast history.  Bill’s presence, his story, his sense of humor, and his microphones all added to an improvement in the show and was reflected in an increase in listeners.

Recovered 364 – Dealing With Loss in Recovery

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Tonight’s Recovery Topic is Dealing With Loss in Recovery

Mark is joined with Guest Hosts Joe and Russ, both members of Canton Candlelight, Mark’s home group.  Russ is Mark’s sponsor.

Joe is 27 years old and has 3 years sobriety.  Mark and Russ both remember Joe coming into the fellowship and they both remember that Joe was “all in” and had a real willingness to work the program.  Even though Joe was suffering from both loss and anger, he was able to put those things into perspective and used the fellowship, the program, and the steps as a means of comfort rather than to use drink.

Joe shared that early in the program he watched the long timers and focused on what they did and did what they did.  Joe also shared that early in sobriety he was just going through the motions of recovery and the thought of drinking returned.  At this moment, Joe received a phone call asking Joe to take him to a meeting.  Joe promptly put the obsession to drink aside and started to give back to the program through the service work of driving members to meetings.  Joe thought this was a coincidence.  Russ commented that coincidence is just God’s way of remaining anonymous.

60 days before Joe came into the fellowship, Joe’s mom passed away and he became angry and suffered all the more by drinking more.  So when Joe first came in, steps 2 and 3 was difficult because he was angry with God.  Joe shared that going to meetings and relying on the fellowship allowed him to heal over time.  Joe also heard other peoples story about how they got throug difficult times without drinking.  This was an inspiration to Joe. Joe learned that you don’t have to drink if you dn’t want to and you don’t have to drink when you do want to drink

Russ first came into the program in 1974 and it stuck in 1979 and he was 30 at that time.  Russ shared that in 2001 both his parents died and it devastated him.  But the fellowship carried him through this difficult time by going to alot of meetings and to step up service work.  Russ is now going through the process of loss because his father in law just decided to go into hospice and will likely leave this world soon.  Mark shared that Russ’ example on how to deal with loss inspired him to emulate Russ’ action and thereby was able to handle the loss of his father.

Recovered 363 – Secondary Addictions

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This Episode is Sponsored by Susan, this show is for you.

The Recovery Topic is Secondary Addictions.

We come into the fellowship unhealthy and some of us develop substitute addictions to fill the void left by alcohol.  Aaron shared that he used food as a source of comfort and the result was weight gain.  After gaining several pounds, he was given a moment of clarity and decided this behavior had to stop.  This resulted in going back into the gym.  However, as Aaron shared, his addictive behavior kicked in a he went too far and injuries started to pile up.  It wasn’t until his doctor reminded him that he wasn’t a young kid any more and that he needed o scale back on the exercise.  Aaron also shared that he found himself spending alot of time at work which may have had some negative impacts on some of his relationships.

Mark shared that he also had food issues coming into the program.  He found that he craved sweets and that was all he wanted to eat.  Mark was told at the time that alcohol is a form of sugar and that his body was craving the sugar.  After a while, Mark balanced his eating habits.  Mark shared that there was a temptation to get medications from his doctor to help with his anxiety but was advised by his sponsor that might not be a good idea.  Since then, Mark is careful around any mood altering substances since it has been his experience by talking with others that it is easier to start drinking again after using prescription drugs.

Mark shared that secondary addictions may not be a relapse but it can be a first step toward relapse.  Mark shared that these bad habits separate him from his higher power and puts him in a vulnerable position.

This Week in Recovery included discussions around our Home Group’s Friday Night Meeting and the tension between our group and the Board of Directors of our Alano Club.  We discussed the fact that we are moving our Friday Night meeting to a off site location and how that’s going to work.

Recovered 361 – The Family Afterward

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Mark opens the show with a reading from Courage To Change, the Alanon Daily Reader.  This reading presents a warning to the family when the alcoholic first enters into recovery.  The family will quickly learn that the drinking is just a symptom and that the real problems within the family unit will come to the surface.

Spencer shared what it was like when he first came into Alanon recovery and how his anger was part of the problem and how the tools of the program provided relief in a healthy way.  Spencer shared how change is natural part of recovery but can be very difficult to the family suffering from the family disease of alcoholism.

Mark shared how important it is for each member to be able to ask for what they need but how difficult it can be for other family members to hear it.  Mark also share how when the alcoholic gets into recovery how difficult it can be for the family to function without the scapegoat.

Spencer shared how important it is for everyone to go to alot of meetings and that it is important for each person to but recovery first.  After initial recovery is achieved balance between recovery and family life is necessary.

Mark shared that when he first went into recovery he put his recovery first and he placed his family members into the hands of his higher power practicing steps two and three.  But after Mark did a ninth step with his family he made a commitment to them that he would be present to them and there needs because he was absent during the drinking years. This was when balance between recovery and family started to become more equal.

Spencer shared how he views the time in meetings as an investment in the hope of a healthy future.  Mark reads from the Big Book and how Bill W describes the family with alcoholism as abnormal and that healing will take time.  Life in sobriety may not be exactly as the family expects.  Change is difficult but change is necessary for the alcoholic family.

Spencer shared about his usual meetings and how important the meetings before and after the meeting is so important.  Spencer reflected about where he is now and how far he has come.  The topic of changed attitudes was part of Spencer’s Wednesday Night meeting.  Pain is mandatory but suffering is optional.  Mark shared on his noon meetings and Mark shared his first step talk.

Spencer and Mark shared about life at home.  Mark shared a story about lost keys and how the program has helped with his relationship with others.