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Recovered 381 Show Notes – Expectations

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Mark, Russ and Aaron discuss the Recovery Topic Expectations

High expectation are premeditated resentments while low expectations are premeditated disappointments.
This topic was suggested by listener Liz from Louisiana.  Thanks Liz.

Tonight, the following people were interviewed:

John
Tammy

Liz, who has less than one year of sobriety and is working on her 4th step, and is finding that she is trying to figure out what is a reasonable expectation.

Russ applauded Liz regarding her ability to have introspection and discover that expectations are a problem.  Russ suggested that the third step prayer as shown in the Big Book be done before the 4th step is attempted. Russ shared that he had lots of expectations early in his sobriety which resulted in frustration.

Aaron also related with similar feelings regarding expectations early in sobriety.  Aaron remembered that he was warned to watch expectations because they lead to resentments.

Russ and Aaron used the fellowship, the sponsor, and steps 2, 4, 5, and especially 10 to deal with expectations and to try to determine reasonable expectations.  Unreasonably high expectations is like going to the hardware store for a loaf of bread.  We need to figure out what our loved ones are able to do and resist the temptation to expect more than they are able.  If I need recovery support and encouragement, I need to go to people who are able to give it.

Recovered 364 – Dealing With Loss in Recovery

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Tonight’s Recovery Topic is Dealing With Loss in Recovery

Mark is joined with Guest Hosts Joe and Russ, both members of Canton Candlelight, Mark’s home group.  Russ is Mark’s sponsor.

Joe is 27 years old and has 3 years sobriety.  Mark and Russ both remember Joe coming into the fellowship and they both remember that Joe was “all in” and had a real willingness to work the program.  Even though Joe was suffering from both loss and anger, he was able to put those things into perspective and used the fellowship, the program, and the steps as a means of comfort rather than to use drink.

Joe shared that early in the program he watched the long timers and focused on what they did and did what they did.  Joe also shared that early in sobriety he was just going through the motions of recovery and the thought of drinking returned.  At this moment, Joe received a phone call asking Joe to take him to a meeting.  Joe promptly put the obsession to drink aside and started to give back to the program through the service work of driving members to meetings.  Joe thought this was a coincidence.  Russ commented that coincidence is just God’s way of remaining anonymous.

60 days before Joe came into the fellowship, Joe’s mom passed away and he became angry and suffered all the more by drinking more.  So when Joe first came in, steps 2 and 3 was difficult because he was angry with God.  Joe shared that going to meetings and relying on the fellowship allowed him to heal over time.  Joe also heard other peoples story about how they got throug difficult times without drinking.  This was an inspiration to Joe. Joe learned that you don’t have to drink if you dn’t want to and you don’t have to drink when you do want to drink

Russ first came into the program in 1974 and it stuck in 1979 and he was 30 at that time.  Russ shared that in 2001 both his parents died and it devastated him.  But the fellowship carried him through this difficult time by going to alot of meetings and to step up service work.  Russ is now going through the process of loss because his father in law just decided to go into hospice and will likely leave this world soon.  Mark shared that Russ’ example on how to deal with loss inspired him to emulate Russ’ action and thereby was able to handle the loss of his father.

Recovered 361 – The Family Afterward

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Mark opens the show with a reading from Courage To Change, the Alanon Daily Reader.  This reading presents a warning to the family when the alcoholic first enters into recovery.  The family will quickly learn that the drinking is just a symptom and that the real problems within the family unit will come to the surface.

Spencer shared what it was like when he first came into Alanon recovery and how his anger was part of the problem and how the tools of the program provided relief in a healthy way.  Spencer shared how change is natural part of recovery but can be very difficult to the family suffering from the family disease of alcoholism.

Mark shared how important it is for each member to be able to ask for what they need but how difficult it can be for other family members to hear it.  Mark also share how when the alcoholic gets into recovery how difficult it can be for the family to function without the scapegoat.

Spencer shared how important it is for everyone to go to alot of meetings and that it is important for each person to but recovery first.  After initial recovery is achieved balance between recovery and family life is necessary.

Mark shared that when he first went into recovery he put his recovery first and he placed his family members into the hands of his higher power practicing steps two and three.  But after Mark did a ninth step with his family he made a commitment to them that he would be present to them and there needs because he was absent during the drinking years. This was when balance between recovery and family started to become more equal.

Spencer shared how he views the time in meetings as an investment in the hope of a healthy future.  Mark reads from the Big Book and how Bill W describes the family with alcoholism as abnormal and that healing will take time.  Life in sobriety may not be exactly as the family expects.  Change is difficult but change is necessary for the alcoholic family.

Spencer shared about his usual meetings and how important the meetings before and after the meeting is so important.  Spencer reflected about where he is now and how far he has come.  The topic of changed attitudes was part of Spencer’s Wednesday Night meeting.  Pain is mandatory but suffering is optional.  Mark shared on his noon meetings and Mark shared his first step talk.

Spencer and Mark shared about life at home.  Mark shared a story about lost keys and how the program has helped with his relationship with others.

Recovered 357 – Attraction Not Promotion

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Tonight’s Recovery Topic is Attraction Not Promotion

Caris Severn asks the question, “How were you attracted to your programs, given the de-emphasis on promotion?” Mark, Bill, and Spencer share their experiences.

Tradition 11 reads:

Our public relations policy is based on
attraction rather than promotion; we need
always maintain personal anonymity at
the level of press, radio, films, and TV. We
need guard with special care the anonymity
of all AA members.

We share our AA and Alanon understanding.

Recovered 356 – Anger and Resentments

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Tonight’s Recovery Topic is Anger and Resentments.

Mark, Bill and Spencer explore their experience strength and hope regarding anger and resentments. We discuss what it used to be like, what happened and what it is like now.

Since alcoholism is a family disease, it’s not a surprise that anger and resentments are a problem for both the alcoholic and the codependent.

We discover that going to meetings helps us cope with these potentially destructive emotions and that walking away from a heated moment is always an acceptable option.