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Mark S

Take Our One Question Survey on Surrendering Expectations

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This week, our recovery topic will be “Surrendering Expectations.”

Take our one-question survey to help us prepare for the show.
Just click

Call Recovered About Expectations

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Tuesday Night, the recovery topic will be “Surrendering Expectations.”
Over the next several weeks, we will explore the spirituality of the book
Powerless but not Helpless
A Recovery Interpretation of the Tao Te Ching
81 Essential Meditations That Can Change Your Life!

Expectations guide your progress in recovery, but having unrealistic expectations during the process sets you up for failure. When you set expectations so high you couldn’t possibly attain them, you add unneeded stress and decrease your chance of success. Setting realistic expectations in recovery helps you form a healthy framework to succeed.

Tuesday, we talk about Expectations.

Leave A Message Now

We need your voice!!  Share your story with the new person in recovery.
To “call” in and share your experience, strength and hope regarding this topic, just tap
You can always dial in and leave a message on this topic.  Just dial
When you “call”, reflect on these questions:
  • For you, how do expectations and resentments relate?
  • How do you manage expectations?
  • What part of the program helps you with expectations?
  • How do you know when an expectation is too high?
  • What happens when an expectation is too low?
So you can prepare for Tuesday’s show, you can get a copy of our Show Notes,  just click 

Big Book Workshop Part 8 – Recovered 1209

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Scott L. from Nashville, TN and Bob D. from Las Vegas, NV doing a Big Book Workshop Weekend in Altamore Springs, FL – January 21st-23rd 2005

http://recoveredcast.com

Check out this episode!

Water Bottles and Open Talks

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I’ve been sending out water bottles to Premium Members who request them.  The bottles are 26 oz. Custom aluminum water bottles – white with the Recovered Logo.  Just let me know if you want one.  I have about 5 left, so hurry

Also, if you would like to be featured on the Friday Open Talks I post for Premium Members, just email me your Open Talk in a .mp3 format and I will get you published.

Read Three Pages From The Big Book – Pages 22-24

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The Topic for these pages is Controlled Drinking

Click HERE for an episode on this topic.  Most of these episodes are from our back catalog and are only accessible by our Premium Members.  If you would like to become a Premium Member, but the cost is a barrier, just email me at mark@recoveredcast.com and I will send you a promo code for a free year of membership.

 

 

BIG BOOK

Each individual, in the personal stories, describes in his own language and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God.  These give a fair cross section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has actually happened in their lives.

    We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste.  Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women, desperately in need, will see these pages, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, “Yes, I am one of them too; I must have this thing.”

    

 

Chapter 3

MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM

    

MOST OF us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics.  No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows.  Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people.  The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.  The persistence of this illusion is astonishing.  Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

    We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics.  This is the first step in recovery.  The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

    We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking.  We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control.  All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.  We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness.  Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

    We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones.  Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men.  We have tried every imaginable remedy.  In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse.  Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic.  Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn’t done so yet.

    Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class.  By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic.  If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him.  Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

    Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums-we could increase the list ad infinitum.

    We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself.  Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking.  Try to drink and stop abruptly.  Try it more than once.  It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it.  It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.

    Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking.  But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time.  We have heard of a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able to stop for a long period because of an overpowering desire to do so.  Here is one.

Big Book Workshop Part 7 – Recovered 1207

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Scott L. from Nashville, TN and Bob D. from Las Vegas, NV doing a Big Book Workshop Weekend in Altamore Springs, FL – January 21st-23rd 2005

http://recoveredcast.com

Check out this episode!

READ THREE PAGES FROM THE BIG BOOK – PAGES 19-21

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The Topic for these pages is Will Power

Click HERE for an episode on this topic

 

When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane.  These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history.  But for the grace of God, there would have been thousands more convincing demonstrations.  So many want to stop but cannot.

    There is a solution.  Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation.  But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it.  When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet.  We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.

    The great fact is just this, and nothing less:  That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God’s universe.  The  central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous.  He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.

    If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution.  We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives:  One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help.  This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.

    A certain American business man had ability, good sense, and high character.  For years he had floundered from one sanitarium to another.  He had consulted the best known American psychiatrists.  Then he had gone to Europe, placing himself in the care of a celebrated physician (the psychiatrist, Dr. Jung) who prescribed for him.  Though experience had made him skeptical, he finished his treatment with unusual confidence.  His physical and mental condition were unusually good.  Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable.  Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time.  More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall.

    So he returned to this doctor, whom he admired, and asked him point-blank why he could not recover.  He wished above all things to regain self-control.  He seemed quite rational and well-balanced with respect to other problems.  Yet he had no control whatever over alcohol.  Why was this?

    He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and he got it.  In the doctor’s judgment he was utterly hopeless; he could never regain his position in society and he would have to place himself under lock and key or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long.  That was a great physician’s opinion.

    But this man still lives, and is a free man.  He does not need a bodyguard nor is he confined.  He can go anywhere on this earth where other free men may go without disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude.

    Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help.  Let us tell you the rest of the conversation our friend had with his doctor.

    The doctor said:  “You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic.  I have never seen one single case recover, where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you.”  Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang.

    He said to the doctor, “Is there no exception?”

    “Yes,” replied the doctor,” there is.  Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times.  Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences.  To me these occurrences are phenomena.  They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements.  Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.  In fact, I have been trying to produce some such emotional rearrangement within you.  With many individuals the methods which I employed are successful, but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of your description.”

    Upon hearing this, our friend was somewhat relieved, for he reflected that, after all, he was a good church  member.  This hope, however, was destroyed by the doctor’s telling him that while his religious convictions were very good, in his case they did not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience.

    Here was the terrible dilemma in which our friend found himself when he had the extraordinary experience, which as we have already told you, made him a free man.  

    We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men.  What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God.  A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, “a design for living” that really works.

    The distinguished American psychologist, William James, in his book “Varieties of Religious Experience,” indicates a multitude of ways in which men have discovered God.  We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired.  If what we have learned and felt and seen means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever our race, creed, or color are the children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try.  Those having religious affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to their beliefs or ceremonies.  There is no friction among us over such matters.

    We think it no concern of ours what religious bodies our members identify themselves with as individuals.  This should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the light of past associations, or his present choice.  Not all of us join religious bodies, but most of us favor such memberships.

    In the following chapter, there appears an explanation of alcoholism, as we understand it, then a chapter addressed to the agnostic.  Many who once were in this class are now among our members.  Surprisingly enough, we find such convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual experience.

Read Three Pages From the Big Book – Pages 16-18

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The Topic for these pages is The First Drink

Click HERE for an episode on this topic

Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.
Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason-ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor-becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.
But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.
Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. Yet early next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.
This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly.
Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can’t he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?
Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle.
We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink, as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this.
These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really makes sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic’s drinking bout creates. They sound like the philosophy of the man who, having a headache, beats himself on the head with a hammer so that he can’t feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk.
Once in a while he may tell the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count.
How true this is, few realize. In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.
The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.
The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, “It won’t burn me this time, so here’s how!” Or perhaps he doesn’t think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, “For God’s sake, how did I ever get started again?” Only to have that thought supplanted by “Well, I’ll stop with the sixth drink.” Or “What’s the use anyhow?”