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Mark S

Toxic Relationships – Recovered 990

150 150 Mark S

With few exceptions, human beings want to be emotionally and physically close to each other. Life seems better shared. Relationships, like most things in life worth having, require effort.

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium
  3. Sustaining Partners  We have three ways in which you can participate in this 12-step mission We invite you to be a partner is this work.

Call Us Now  http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

Even good relationships take work. After all, our significant other, our close friends, and even our parents aren’t perfect . We have to learn how to accommodate and adapt to their their faults, their moods, just as they must learn how to do the same with us. And it’s worth it.

Some relationships, however, are more difficult and require proportionately more work. And then there are toxic relationships. These relationships have mutated themselves into something that has the potential, to be extremely harmful to our well being. The paradox is that in order to have a reasonable chance to turn a toxic relationship into a healthy relationship, we have to be prepared to leave it.

We also have to admit that our disease may have been the cause of toxic relationships. How do we deal with the fact that we are the toxic part of the relationship?

Tonight, we talk about toxic relationships?

We are going to start with you first Anna,
What comes first to mind, where do you want to start?

What is a healthy relationship to you?
Thought: A healthy relationship involves mutual caring, respect, and compassion, an interest in our partner’s welfare and growth, an ability to share control and decision-making, in short, a shared desire for each other’s happiness.

What is a toxic relationship to you?
Thought: By definition, a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner.
Thought: A toxic individual behaves the way he or she does essentially for one main reason: he or she must be in complete control and must have all the power in his or her relationship.

Have you found yourself in these toxic relationships?
Why?
Thought: Think about family of origin stuff too, some toxic relationships are not chosen, we are born into them.
Thought: poor self-esteem rooted in underlying insecurity. What other character defects?

Have you been toxic to others before?
How?
Why?
______________________________________________________
We asked our listeners about this topic.

We asked,
“Do you consider yourself a new person in recovery?”

Did you take the survey?

https://www.surveymonkey.com/analyze/krmWuvm0oMh24a5z2QNTzM_2F4tCpiosVfvNyf32UcAjuHoiJOMTnEY7vroEtIXvVj

What would be your answer?
________________________________________________________

What are the warning signs for you that a person might not be healthy for you, but you are attracted anyway?

The following is a list of toxic characteristics. Which types have you been in relationship? What character defect on your part was in affect?

Belittler – His or her goal is to keep your self esteem as low as possible so that you don’t challenge their absolute control of the relationship.
Bad Temper – “Controlling by intimidation” is a classic behavior of a toxic partner.
Guilt-Inducer – A guilt inducer not only controls by inducing guilt but also by temporarily “removing” guilt if you end up doing what he or she wants you to do.
The Overreactor/Deflector – You find yourself comforting them instead of getting comfort yourself.
The Over-Dependent Partner – They want you to make virtually every decision for them.
Non-Dependable – This toxic individual will only rarely keep his or her commitments.
The User – seem to be very nice, courteous, and pleasant individuals. And they are, as long as they’re getting everything they want from you.
Possessive – They do not see themselves in a relationship with you; they see themselves as possessing you.

How can the program help?
How can forgiveness help?
What step have helped?
Has a sponsor helped?
Has the fellowship helped?
Has prayer helped?

Check out this episode!

Earl H. Steps Part 1 – Recovered 989

150 150 Mark S

Thank you for supporting the podcast by becoming Premium.  The show would not be online without Premium Members

Premium Membership  Premium members are the main reason why Recovered Podcast is still online.  If you want to help us continue to help the new guy, watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium.

If you want Recovered Podcast to come to you so you can share your story with us, please reach out to mark@recoveredcast.com and let me know.  We would love to come to your roundup, your conference, your event, your open talk….whatever, we want to carry your message to the person who still suffers.

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Call Us Now  http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

Who’s going to the 2020 International Convention?

So, listeners, join us at The 2020 International Convention of AA in Detroit.  If you are coming into town for the convention, the Recovered Podcast wants to meet you!

If you would like to get all the information regarding the Recovered Podcast at the 2020 International Convention, just email me and we will get you on our google group.

Just email me at mark@recoveredcast.com

This google group will be notified with all the Recovered Podcast Plans for the convention and will have all the information about how to find our tailgate party.  Right now, our google group has been provided with maps and general information about Detroit. 

Check out this episode!

Newcomers in Recovery Recovered 988

150 150 Mark S

It can be intimidating walking into a room full of recovering codependents, drug addicts, or alcoholics when you’re the new kid on the block. We’ve all been there before in some manner, being the new one that is.

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Call Us Now  http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

 

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a new career, academic education, or a meeting- you treat them all the same and dive right in. Start introducing yourself to new people and connecting. This is one of the first major pieces to the puzzle of recovery. We all need help and require friendship of some sort. It’s simply human nature to want to connect and relate to something or somebody.

To feel understood is something most individuals crave The good news for newcomers is to not be discouraged. We codependents, addicts and alcoholics are all unique in our own ways, but we are not special. We have all experienced much of the same fears and struggles as the next. We all have a common enemy, the disease of addiction.

Let’s start with you
Where do you want to start on this topic of Newcomers in Recovery?

What were some of the barriers for you, what prevented you from coming into the program earlier?

What is your serenity/sobriety date?
Why did you come into recovery?
What was your first meeting like?
Where was it?
Do you remember anyone there?
What did you hear at your first meeting?
What surprised you the most?

What was the hardest part about being a new person in recovery?
How did you cope early on?

Have you ever relapsed?
What was it like being a newcomer the second time and what was different?
Do you think it’s different being new today?

How did you find a sponsor?
How did you find a homegroup?
What was it like taking the steps the first time?
______________________________________________________
We asked our listeners about this topic.

We asked,
“Do you consider yourself a new person in recovery?”

Did you take the survey?

https://www.surveymonkey.com/analyze/krmWuvm0oMh24a5z2QNTzM_2F4tCpiosVfvNyf32UcAjuHoiJOMTnEY7vroEtIXvVj

What would be your answer?
________________________________________________________

How did you find a higher power?

What should a new person expect at their first meeting?
How are meetings run?
What is a home group?
Why is it important?

Why are steps important to your recovery when you’re new?
Why are they important to you today?

Why is a higher power important?
Why are meetings important?
Why is prayer important?

What would you say to the new person about Newcomers to Recovery?

We have calls –

Check out this episode!

Earl H. Saturday Evening Talk Part 2 – Recovered 987

150 150 Mark S

Thank you for supporting the podcast by becoming Premium.  The show would not be online without Premium Members

Premium Membership  Premium members are the main reason why Recovered Podcast is still online.  If you want to help us continue to help the new guy, watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium.

If you want Recovered Podcast to come to you so you can share your story with us, please reach out to mark@recoveredcast.com and let me know.  We would love to come to your roundup, your conference, your event, your open talk….whatever, we want to carry your message to the person who still suffers.

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Call Us Now  http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

Who’s going to the 2020 International Convention?

So, listeners, join us at The 2020 International Convention of AA in Detroit.  If you are coming into town for the convention, the Recovered Podcast wants to meet you!

If you would like to get all the information regarding the Recovered Podcast at the 2020 International Convention, just email me and we will get you on our google group.

Just email me at mark@recoveredcast.com

This google group will be notified with all the Recovered Podcast Plans for the convention and will have all the information about how to find our tailgate party.  Right now, our google group has been provided with maps and general information about Detroit. 

Check out this episode!

Earl H. Saturday Evening Talk Part 1 – Recovered 985

150 150 Mark S

Thank you for supporting the podcast by becoming Premium.  The show would not be online without Premium Members

Premium Membership  Premium members are the main reason why Recovered Podcast is still online.  If you want to help us continue to help the new guy, watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium.

If you want Recovered Podcast to come to you so you can share your story with us, please reach out to mark@recoveredcast.com and let me know.  We would love to come to your roundup, your conference, your event, your open talk….whatever, we want to carry your message to the person who still suffers.

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Call Us Now  http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

Who’s going to the 2020 International Convention?

So, listeners, join us at The 2020 International Convention of AA in Detroit.  If you are coming into town for the convention, the Recovered Podcast wants to meet you!

If you would like to get all the information regarding the Recovered Podcast at the 2020 International Convention, just email me and we will get you on our google group.

Just email me at mark@recoveredcast.com

This google group will be notified with all the Recovered Podcast Plans for the convention and will have all the information about how to find our tailgate party.  Right now, our google group has been provided with maps and general information about Detroit. 

Check out this episode!

Waiting For the Other Shoe to Drop – Recovered 986

150 150 Mark S

We all know about the “other shoe” and how we’re supposed to wait for it to drop.  There are two basic assumptions in this expression. The first is that the drop of the second shoe is inevitable.  The other assumption is that the drop of the second shoe is usually something bad.

For us alcoholics, it is common that we periodically experience a sense of foreboding that positive situations will not last. In our experiences as alcoholics, bad things can and do happen. In tangible ways, in ways that have been a result of our own behavior.

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Call Us Now  http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

For Al-Anons, the trauma of active alcoholism real and horrific. Fear and anxiety can be common companiangs for the Al-Anon as they look to their future with a hypothetical relapse of a sober loved as part of that future.

Tonight, we talk about it. We talk about waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Let’s address the mail first,
Let’s turn to you first Anna, as a person who lived through my alcoholism and early recovery.
What are your first thoughts about this email?
How did you plan for your future when I was new?
What about the impact of my active alcoholism on our marriage especially when I was new?
How about now when you think about the negative impact my drinking had on the family?

Ok Luiz, coming to you
Any thoughts on the email or the discussion that Anna and I just had?

What does waiting for the other shoe to drop men to you?
Have you experienced it?
How does it manifest for you?
What character defects are working when this happens?
How can the program help?

Do you live with dread?
What was it like when you were new?
What helped then?

What is it about being an alcoholic that makes us vulnerable?
What makes the al-anon vulnerable to this syndrome?

_______________________________________________________
We asked our listeners about this topic.

We asked,
“What do you think has contributed to your experiencing “waiting for the other shoe to drop” syndrome?”

Did you take the survey?

https://www.surveymonkey.com/analyze/7imA53axNzGUPk8Ya9JfNVWaFzFMUbjiNBRYKPnwRAwE_2FUyuDq1XnkSDh70eHpB8

What would be your answer?
________________________________________________________

Do you think your drinking behavior has created this syndrome in others?
What can you do about this?
What part of the program can help?

What things, what trauma, has occurred in your life that may have contributed to you “waiting for the other shoe?”
How do you cope?

We are about solutions here at the Recovered Podcast. So let’s talk about some suggestions that I have found.

First up. Try being Present and being mindful.
How does being mindful help?
How does being present help?
What slogan comes to mind here?

2. Next suggestion is to “Try savoring life”.
That is, meditate on positive emotions or events. For example, I can take several minutes, and relive my whole vacation to ireland. Town by town, remembering the names of each town,, the sites, the smells, the spiritual experience, the positive life affirming conversations with really awesome peopleā€¦
Why do you think this may be of help for some?

3. Introduce some logic to your thoughts.
Sometimes our thoughts can run away from us, going down a path that we know isn’t logical or helpful.

In the case of anticipating something negative, I’ve found that I can best stop the thoughts with this simple reasoning: “Yes, it is inevitable that something bad will happen at some point, but I don’t know when or where. So, I might as well enjoy what I’m feeling now so later I won’t regret not having enjoyed that time when things were going well.”

4. Practice gratitude.
Being aware of what we have in our lives orients us to the present. We can always find something or someone to appreciate, and in showing this appreciation we gain an increased awareness of its beauty.

5. Spend time with people who also like to live fully.

What would you say to the new person about waiting for the other shoe to drop?

We have calls

Check out this episode!

Helping Others in Recovery – Recovered 984

150 150 Mark S

The 12-step recovery programs include service as a major component. Members are expected to take on responsibilities in the group and to help newer members travel their own path to recovery. The reasons why this would be important are numerous. To begin with, helping other people tends to take the attention off of yourself, something that can be of enormous benefit for a recovering addict. When you assist the other person in making progress and receive gratitude for your efforts, this reward can give you an enormous boost in your own happiness and sense of well-being.

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Call Us Now  http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

As you progress through your own recovery, it is easy to lose sight of how far you have come and even to become critical of yourself when you feel cravings. By working to help another person who is headed down the same road as you are, you get to look back and see where you started.

We will start with you Clyde,
Where do you want to start on this topic, helping others?

When you were new, did others help you?
How?
Did you wonder why they did that?

Who was the first person your helped on purpose?
What happened?
What did you learn?
How did that help your recovery?

Have you ever used this principle of the program for someone outside the fellowship?
Who?
What happened?
How did that help your recovery?

Why does helping others help you?
How does it strengthen your program?
How does it affect your fellowship?
How does it affect your relationship with your higher power?

Why is this such a spiritual principle?

Are you ever resistant to helping?
Why?
What is the character defect that is in effect when this happens?
How do you get over it?

What part of the program helps?
Steps
Fellowship
Prayer
Service work
Sponsor
Sponsee
Slogans
etc

What would you say to the new guy who about Helping Others?

Check out this episode!

Tim H. Open Talk Part 1 – Recovered 983

150 150 Mark S

Thank you for supporting the podcast by becoming Premium.  The show would not be online without Premium Members

Premium Membership  Premium members are the main reason why Recovered Podcast is still online.  If you want to help us continue to help the new guy, watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium.

If you want Recovered Podcast to come to you so you can share your story with us, please reach out to mark@recoveredcast.com and let me know.  We would love to come to your roundup, your conference, your event, your open talk….whatever, we want to carry your message to the person who still suffers.

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Call Us Now  http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

Who’s going to the 2020 International Convention?

So, listeners, join us at The 2020 International Convention of AA in Detroit.  If you are coming into town for the convention, the Recovered Podcast wants to meet you!

If you would like to get all the information regarding the Recovered Podcast at the 2020 International Convention, just email me and we will get you on our google group.

Just email me at mark@recoveredcast.com

This google group will be notified with all the Recovered Podcast Plans for the convention and will have all the information about how to find our tailgate party.  Right now, our google group has been provided with maps and general information about Detroit. 

Check out this episode!

Dealing with Crisis in Recovery – Recovered 982

150 150 Mark S

Hurricanes. Fires. Shootings. The headlines are filled with tragedies.

No one wants to get caught up in an emergency situation or tragedy, but good people sometimes go through bad things or are exposed to unexpected crisis situations.

Some situations are national calamities, but a crisis can result from any difficult situation or loss. And people in recovery are especially vulnerable in times of trouble.

That’s why it is important to be vigilant about self-care and the best way to start
is to have a recovery disaster preparedness plan in place for relapse prevention.

“Tragedies hit people in recovery harder than others,”\
One of the reasons for this is that
recovery makes people very open and empathic and they pick up easily on the pain of others and it can trigger their own trauma. “
Preparing ahead of time to deal with horrible news can keep you balanced when it feels like the world is falling apart,”

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Call Us Now  http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

What comes first to mind, where do you want to start?

What crisis were you faced with when you were new in program?
What part of program helped?

Have you ever relapsed? Was this a crisis? What helped?

What other crisis have you dealt with

Are you dealing with a crisis today?

Here are some ways to put relapse prevention in place and protect your emotional health.

1. Breathe and relax.

2. Have sober support.

3. Allow for emotional help.

4. Practice processing difficult emotions.

5. Have healthy distractions.

6. Gratitude

Is self inflicted crisis different than one that is caused by external forces?

Do you know somebody outside of program dealing with difficult situations?
How are they dealing with it?
Is it any different?

How has our disease affected the way you react to crisis?
How has the program helped?

What part of the program helps?
Steps
Fellowship
Prayer
Service work
Sponsor
Sponsee
Slogans
etc

What would you say to the new guy who about crisis?

Check out this episode!

Earl H Cajun – Recovered 981

150 150 Mark S

Thank you for supporting the podcast by becoming Premium.  The show would not be online without Premium Members

Premium Membership  Premium members are the main reason why Recovered Podcast is still online.  If you want to help us continue to help the new guy, watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium.

If you want Recovered Podcast to come to you so you can share your story with us, please reach out to mark@recoveredcast.com and let me know.  We would love to come to your roundup, your conference, your event, your open talk….whatever, we want to carry your message to the person who still suffers.

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Call Us Now  http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

Who’s going to the 2020 International Convention?

So, listeners, join us at The 2020 International Convention of AA in Detroit.  If you are coming into town for the convention, the Recovered Podcast wants to meet you!

If you would like to get all the information regarding the Recovered Podcast at the 2020 International Convention, just email me and we will get you on our google group.

Just email me at mark@recoveredcast.com

This google group will be notified with all the Recovered Podcast Plans for the convention and will have all the information about how to find our tailgate party.  Right now, our google group has been provided with maps and general information about Detroit. 

Check out this episode!