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Mark S

Fear – Recovered 864

150 150 Mark S

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Call Us Now  http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

When people give up abusing alcohol and drugs it does not mean that their trials in life are over. They are still going to have to deal with the ups and downs of life just like everyone else. The only difference will be that they won’t be hiding from reality or making things worse through substance abuse. One of the things that people in recovery are almost certain to face is fear. It is unavoidable. Those who are emotionally sober are no longer interested in hiding from fear. Their focus is on learning to manage it effectively.

 

Your first thoughts on fear?

Where do you want to start?

 

Before program, what were you afraid of?

How did you react?

How did you cope?

 

In early sobriety, what were you fearful of?

How did recovery help?

What did you learn about fear and early recovery?

 

Today, what are you afraid of?

How are you using the program?

 

What tools of the program help you with fear?

 

Most of us have a fear we are going to lose something

Or we have

A fear that we won’t get what we want.

What is your battle

 

Can fear be good?

When is it bad?

 

What can your fears tell you about yourself?

Phone Calls

 

Alex

 

Joe

Check out this episode!

Bob B Part 1 – Recovered 861

150 150 Mark S

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Check out this episode!

Call Recovered About Fear

150 150 Mark S

Monday night, the Recovery Topic is “Fear.”
 
When people give up abusing alcohol and drugs it does not mean that their trials in life are over. They are still going to have to deal with the ups and downs of life just like everyone else. The only difference will be that they won’t be hiding from reality or making things worse through substance abuse. One of the things that people in recovery are almost certain to face is fear. It is unavoidable. Those who are emotionally sober are no longer interested in hiding from fear. Their focus is on learning to manage it effectively.
Let’s talk about this solution.  Tap Speakpipe (preferred because the sound quality is excellent.  Use this method especially if you are outside the Unites States) or call 1-734-288-7510 and answer the following question(s):
Before program, what were you afraid of?
In early sobriety, what were you fearful of?
How did recovery help?
What is a healthy fear?
Today, what are you afraid of?
How are you using the program?
What tools of the program help you with fear?
Recovered Podcast is live online every Tuesday at 6:30 pm EST as we record the show.  Join the fun and be part of the show.
If you would like to listen to the live stream of the show, just tap Recovered Chat and Live Stream.  We give away an Amazon gift card each week, you could win if you join us on Tuesdays.  
 
Click on our Show Notes we will use Tuesday night.

Recovery and Your Job – Recovered 862

150 150 Mark S

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

If you are new, if you are struggling with addiction, you are not alone. Addiction is more common than normal people think:

Actually, Sixteen percent of the US population meet the clinical definition for addiction. This figure includes people who are addicted to alcohol, illegal drugs and prescription medications.

Despite the fact that this chronic disease affects people of both genders, every race, different age groups, employment sectors, ethnic groups, religious affiliations and more, there’s still a stigma associated with addiction. Many addicts wonder whether it’s okay to share with employers their need for treatment or share that they have undergone a treatment program in the past.

This is what we are going to talk about today,
We are going to talk about
Recovery and Your Job.

Did you have a job when you decided you needed recovery?
Did you tell your employer that you needed help before you actually went to your first meeting?
Why or why not?

Did anybody at your work know you had a drinking problem before you went into recovery?
Did you get support from coworkers?
How did you get support from coworkers?

When you were in early recovery, did you tell anyone at work?
How did that go?

Were you afraid of losing your job because you were in recovery?

When should you tell a coworker that you are in recovery?
Why should you keep it a secret from your coworkers?

Was anybody at your work in recovery when you started program?

If someone asked you about recovery at work, what would you say?
What would you do?
What would you not do?

Did anybody at work notice that you stopped drinking?

Can you lose your job if you go to rehab?
If you had to, how would you tell your boss that you’re an alcoholic?
What tools do you use as an alcoholic in a workplace?

If you thought a coworker was having problems with alcohol, would you bring up the subject of recovery?
How would you do this?

Phone Calls

Mike from Fla
https://www.speakpipe.com/messages

Mandy
https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?tab=wm#inbox/15f49c654f0717bf

Michell
https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?tab=wm#inbox/15f4b6df41949bb4

Alex
https://www.speakpipe.com/messages

Justin
https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?tab=wm#inbox/15f276a569e525ff

The Recovered podcast is for the new person in recovery. What would you say to that person about this topic,
Recovery and Your Job

Check out this episode!

Halloween Doesn’t Have to be Scary By Author Caleb A

150 150 Mark S

Halloween doesn’t have to be scary if you’re in recovery

 

Halloween can be a frightening time for those in addiction recovery. With adult festivities, there tends to be a focus on drinking, so it’s a good idea to have a plan to protect yourself from temptation.

 

Be party-prepared

 

Knowing what to expect before you go to a party will help you get ready to say no. If you know alcohol will be served at a party, either don’t go or talk to the host in advance and let them know you’ll be abstaining. Take a friend with you who understands and respects what you’re going through. One trick to ward off uncomfortable conversation is to have a non-alcoholic drink in your hand. Put a stirrer and a cherry in it and it looks just like a mixed drink. People who don’t know you won’t know that it’s just club soda or cola, and it’s not really their business. When they offer you a drink, you’ve already got one, thanks.

 

Have a prepared and practiced exit statement before you go, too. “I’m sorry, but I’ve got to leave now. No, I can’t stay longer.” If you want, make up an excuse, such as you have to relieve the babysitter or dog sitter, or that you have another party to attend. Nobody need know that you’re struggling to stay away from your addictive triggers. If anyone tries too hard to get you to imbibe, just leave as fast as you can. Don’t let anyone else hold back your progress.

 

Find a new way to have fun

 

Look online to find a sober Halloween party in your area. Others in recovery want to have fun, too, so there might be a party set up for people going through the same thing you are. Not sure what else to do? Here are some great suggestions:

 

  • Try going for a hike. Many places and groups host Halloween night hikes, where you can enjoy nature while howling at the moon. The exercise will be good for you, too.
  • If you don’t go to any parties, there are still ways to enjoy the holiday sober. You can have your own sober party. Serve alcohol-free drinks and play games. If the weather is nice, have a fire in a backyard fire pit and roast hot dogs and marshmallows, and tell ghost stories.
  • Host a Halloween movie night, and screen scary movies. Have a movie trivia contest or have a movie scavenger hunt. Find obscure items or references in the movies for your friends to spot. If you or your guests don’t like to be scared, you can show Halloween spoofs for a good chuckle.
  • Many movie theaters show Halloween-themed movies this time of year, so go see them with a friend, or even alone.
  • You can stay home and hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. Wear a costume and decorate your home, giving little goblins their candy and enjoying their fun costumes. Or volunteer at a homeless shelter’s kids’ party. Doing something to help others will help you get out of your own head.

 

Of course, if you’re really struggling during the holiday, go to a meeting. Call your sponsor if needed, and get to a support group. Having others around you who know your struggle will help bolster your sobriety and remind you of why you’re doing this in the first place.

 

Maintaining sobriety amid revelers can be very challenging, but completely worth it. Don’t let one holiday turn back the hard work you’ve done. Remember: If you slip up, it’s OK. Just get back to a meeting and get started again. Every step forward is an important one.

Good Morning

150 150 Mark S

It is the highest form of self-respect to admit mistakes and to make amends for them. #recovery

Conflict By Speaker and Author Annie Highwater

150 150 Mark S

Conflict

Conflict is a part of the human experience.  It can be necessary and sometimes it can be nasty.

Drama resulting from dysfunction, addiction and alcoholism often centers around conflict. That can be some of the most stressful elements when dealing with the disorder of substance abuse.

Some months ago I learned that dysfunctional conflict often involves what has been dubbed the Drama Triangle” by Psychiatrist Stephen Karpman.  This theory implies that within conflict we each play the role of:

Victim powerless, hopeless and stuck

Persecutor critical, blaming, controlling, superior

Hero pain reliever, rescuer, keeps victims helpless

We revolve in and out of each one.

 

Do you see yourself in this?

Many times I’ve stood in these positions. In past disputes I tended to veer back and forth between the Victim and the Hero, I didn’t realize how much I liked being both.  But I could be a pretty good Blamer too.

No matter which role, I was somehow always wronged andalways right.

We’re often hard-pressed to self-examine and consider our unhealthy participation in conflict, due to the effects of whoever, whatever is coming against us. But once we become of aware of unhealthy patterns, we can’t unknowthem. Therefore, we’re not granted the luxury of resorting back to them.  Those who are smart don’t get to play dumb. We are no longer the Victim, Hero or Persecutor. We’re a Participant in the cycle.

No matter how infected the situation, healthier ways of handling conflict are possible. Information for how to modify our lives around this subject is available if we’re interested in improving and pursuing peaceful lives. Craft method and Verbal Judo are excellent tools for managing conflict and hostile situations.

***

We’ve all seen situations where those once in close relationship had a disagreement and instead of settling the matter in order to move forward, they turned adversarial. Resulting in a once resolvable conflict becoming a toxic feud.

The truth is, when it comes to conflict some people live for it and many don’t fight fair.

Rebecca, a Mother struggling with a daughter who has substance abuse issues called me earlier this year in deep distress. Her call wasn’t about her daughter this time, it was about trouble she was having with a friend she had been close to for years. One she had gone walking with, met for coffee, spent hours on the phone with, sharing many personal life experiences.

The two who were once like sisters, had a disagreement about politics that went shockingly off the rails.  The conversation quickly escalated from politics into an argument over who was right, who was wrong, who was better or worse, who was being unfair and who needed to back off.

As each continued to stand their ground, the conversation then turned personal and ugly.  Rebecca’s friend became so enraged she began to unload shot after shot off topic, eventually shouting things she had “always hated about Rebecca.”

She went as far as to remind her about some of the painful and embarrassing things told in confidence and what a good friend she’d been during the times Rebecca’s daughter was a “strung out mess.”

It was a dagger to her heart.

Their conversation ended with a threat that Rebecca had “better not be caught anywhere alone in public.”

Hours later, relevant passive-aggressive quotes and posts began appearing on social media, as the offended woman began what seemed like an effort to position herself to be a Victim and a Hero, while running a campaign of hate against Rebecca, the friend she once loved dearly. How quickly it went from opposing views to weapons drawn like enemies.

It’s hard to believe anyone should have to worry about a disagreement turning into that. These are wives, mothers and business women…these are adults! Someone we were once close to using toxic, unfair tactics against us is always a shock.  But conflict can get crazy and the strongest of bonds can be broken in a moment.

What could have calmly been settled that day exploded into a raging battle and because of it the two were never able to recover their friendship.

Unfortunately, it’s not an uncommon occurrence.  Friends turning into enemies and family becoming strangers is a mystery that most of us will never solve. Conflict is baffling, powerful and often involves years and layers of built up emotion, resentment and other issues one might be carrying.

It’s worth realizing that when someone takes the turn toward personal and vicious, versus sticking to facts and effort to move toward understanding and resolution, there has to be bigger, unhandled issues going on with them.

There are times in conflict when like Rebecca, you’ll have to step away from the relationship and deal with the effects on your own rather than chasing someone down to make them realize how you feel, what they’ve done, what they’ve said, what you meant, how they’ve hurt you…and so on.

In some situations, peace can only be made internally.

 

 

 

When it comes to conflict, the best issues to resolve are my own.

Concerning others not treating me fair, well or kind, that’s on them to work out.  However, once I’ve received a signal that a conflict is going to go past conversation into viciousness or feuding, it’s my responsibility to protect myself.  Whether that means to stand up for myself, defend myself, or withdraw from the situation.

We instinctively know when we have reached a point of no return and the issues aren’t going to be settled, at least not in that moment.  Past that point nothing good comes about, we’re only adding damage. If the person opposing us doesn’t seem to have the will or capacity to acknowledge their side of the issue without becoming venomous and upset, that’s not our problem to work through.

For situations that tend to go from from disagreement to combat in .03 seconds; you are in control of what you’ll allow.

HOW DO WE HANDLE HEATED CONFLICT?

It pays to look deep within. Becoming self-aware and checking our motives is key.  We can always come back to our motives.

Questions to ask ourselves: 

Am I driven to win? Do you have to be the bad guy for me to be good?  Am I motivated by revenge? Am I trying to cause someone else to feel what I’m actually feeling inside?

Am I motivated for peace and solution? Or am I driving to win, making sure the other person loses.

Is it possible that I’m reacting out of old emotional injuries? Am I heated in this situation but actually my hostility is surging out of other issues going on in my life? Think about it.

Self-realization leads to solution.

At some point we have to decide we are either going to be motivated for peace or we’re not. Examining your own motives and patterns will always reveal these truths. Our heart knows the honest answers to these questions if we’ll get quiet and ask.

***

Is it worth it? We’re not here on this earth forever, we don’t know when a conversation with someone will be the last. Do I really want my last conversation with someone to be how right I was and how apologetic they needed to be? I absolutely don’t.

But it’s about balance. In repeat patterns of conflict, I also know that I can’t be the one who always apologizes, who always makes peace just to keep the peace. I can’t always be the one who’s wrong!

There are times when someone needs their feet held to the fire, others need to be accountable for behavior that is not okay for us. It’s not good for anyone if we are regularly tolerating what we don’t feel good about, in order not to make someone uncomfortable because they can’t handle being called on their stuff.

That’s codependency and dysfunction.

There is a time to keep peace, there’s a time to bite our tongue.  There is also a time to firmly stand your ground in order for another adult to realize maybe they need to do some self-examining.

***

CONFLICT BOTTOM-LINES

Professional advice I was given in the years we dealt with the worst of family conflict:

You are not required to receive insults, abuse or vitriol. Nor are you healthy when using those kinds of tactics.

Think around corners, beyond the moment I’m in.  Is there a possible solution or is this just exhausting drama that will not end? Does this take my focus, energy and time away from important things such as other friends, family, priorities and goals?  Am I going to be able to undo the damage of how I’m handling this person right now should my feelings change or our paths cross again?  Or will my words and actions in the heat of the moment make it awkward running into each other.

Interrupt the pattern when I recognize I’m in one: Stop, breathe and modify usual responses to take a healthier direction. Regardless of discomfort.  Being healthy and functional is sometimes going to be uncomfortable!

Leave room for amends, always leave a space for someone (including yourself) to come to their senses and own how they’ve acted.  Don’t allow yourself to go too far in once it’s become heated. It could be that they (or you) have bigger issues going on behind the scenes causing more emotion and less control.

Most important…

Take care of yourself, protect yourself, tend to yourself, be aware of yourself. We are in control of our responses and we are to be our own advocates.

And remember, “Conflict cannot survive without your participation” ~Wayne Dyer

When it comes to conflict we aren’t the Victim, Persecutor or Hero;  we’re either Participants, or we’re in pursuit of peace.

Still learning,

Annie

Author of Unhooked

Call Recovered About Recovery and Your Job

150 150 Mark S

Tuesday night, the Recovery Topic is “Recovery and Your Job.”
 
Despite the fact that this chronic disease affects people of both genders, every race, different age groups, employment sectors, ethnic groups, religious affiliations and more, there’s still a stigma associated with addiction. Many addicts wonder whether it’s okay to share with employers their need for treatment or share that they have undergone a treatment program in the past.
Let’s talk about this solution.  Tap Speakpipe (preferred because the sound quality is excellent.  Use this method especially if you are outside the Unites States) or call 1-734-288-7510 and answer the following question(s):
When you were in early recovery, did you tell anyone at work?
How did that go?
Why would you tell someone?
Why would you keep it a secrete?
Recovered Podcast is live online every Tuesday at 6:30 pm EST as we record the show.  Join the fun and be part of the show.
If you would like to listen to the live stream of the show, just tap Recovered Chat and Live Stream.  We give away an Amazon gift card each week, you could win if you join us on Tuesdays.  
 
Click on our Show Notes we will use Tuesday night.

Success and Recovery – Recovered 860

150 150 Mark S

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

The Recovered Podcast Community is not a glum lot.  They contribute to

If people become sober
and it does not make much difference to their life
they are unlikely to put much effort into maintaining their recovery.
That is why recognizing success in recovery is important.

However, there can be pitfalls associated with experiencing success in recovery. These are more likely to be a problem for those who are newly sober. Those individuals who are secure in their sobriety will be able to enjoy success just like everyone else.

Those individuals who escape an addiction can expect to experience plenty more success in their life going forward. This is not to say that riches will fall from the sky, but being sober means that people are now able to do the things they need
to achieve their ambitions.

Let’s turn to you first,
What were your initial thoughts on this topic, where do you want to start?

Why is success in recovery important to you?
What kind of achievements have you experienced in recovery?

How do you celebrate success?

What are the benefits of experiencing some success in recovery?

How can a success be dangerous to someone in recovery?
Have you ever experienced some of The Dangers of Success in Recovery?

Forget what it was like

Especially when you are having success in recovery,
Why is it important for you to stay connected with the new person in recovery

What is a pink cloud in recovery?
Have you experienced it?
Explain?
Was it positive?
Was it negative?

What about failure? How do you handle not achieving a goal?
How do you handle disappointment?

What about expectations?
How do expectations and resentments relate?

Phone Calls

Rodney

Clyde

Erch
speakpipe

The Recovered podcast is for the new person in recovery. What would you say to that person about this topic,
Success and Recovery

Final Thoughts?

the show and what they share is exactly what someone else needs to hear.  The new guy needs to hear your story.  So honor your 12th step obligation by calling in and help the guy who has not yet gone to his first meeting, you may make the difference in his life.  There are two ways to add to the show:

 

Check out this episode!

Coping With Tragedy in AA – Recovered 858

150 150 Mark S

This episode is sponsored by The Recovered Podcast Reception and Live Shows At the 2017 Tri-County Conference at the Wyndham Garden Hotel in Sterling Heights, Michigan.

On Friday, September 29th at 5:45 pm, the Recovered Podcast will be leading a panel discussion on “Recovery and the Digital Age.”  We want to you to be part of the show and add to the discussion.

Just go to http://recoveredcast.com/tricounty for more information

Our cost to participate in this event is about $2000,
And we could use your help

To support us as we spread this message of hope to the new guy
Go over to http://recoveredcast.com/donation

“When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways ? either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength.” ? Dalai Lama

Addiction and substance abuse are as dangerous as they are heartbreaking. Many of us see our friends die, face death ourselves, and watch the lives around us get torn apart. Once we’ve gotten through the grip of a substance use disorder and found addiction recovery, some of us feel a bit bulletproof. We may feel like we’ve seen and done so much that we aren’t going to be surprised by anything else life has to throw at us.

Then a loved one dies, or we lose our job, we suffer some kind of personal set-back, or maybe we lose a cherished pet. Suddenly, we find ourselves feeling completely devastated and wondering where that sense of strength went. As thick as we think our scars may be, something can always come up and take the wind out of us.

When this happens, we can go one of two ways: we can do what we used to and act like nothing happened, or we can take what recovery tries to teach us and lean on others for support. One path is more likely to support addiction recovery, while the other will tend to make it more difficult. There are a few things we can remember that can push us toward personal growth and prevent sudden tragedy from derailing our recovery. That is what we are going to talk about. Our experience, strength, and hope with dealing with tragedy in recovery.

Check out this episode!