addiction

Recovery Myths – Recovered 400

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Mark, Joe, Aaron, and Russ discuss Recovery Myths. We talk about some of the misconceptions we held to be true before when came into the program. We also talked about some of the surprises we found in the fellowship after we came into the program. Joe began the program by sharing that he had the typical view of the alcohol that was different than himself. Before the program, Joe thought that an alcoholic lived under a bridge, was homeless, was old, and suffering physically. Joe came into the program at 24 years old and a college graduate. Although he was suffering and felt hopeless, he didn’t match his own situation with what he thought an alcoholic looked like. Joe thought he still had a choice when it came to drinking. After he spent a little time in the fellowship, he realized he really didn’t have a choice in the drinking game.

 Russ talked about what he thought someone in recovery looked like. He thought that he would have to give up fun and become boring just like every other person in recovery. Russ also thought that he had a choice with regards to drinking because if he admitted that he didn’t he would have to do something about it; he didn’t want to do this. Russ shared that what he thought an alcoholic looked like. As a kid, he would walk to a nearby treatment hospital and he could see the patients locked into a facility. This image of an inmate didn’t match up with his self image before he came into the program. He thought he was having fun.

 Joe shared that he was surprised that e could have fun in the program. Aaron didn’t have some false different than others. he didn’t have some false sense of what an alcoholic looked like. Aaron had no pre-misconceptions of recovery looked like, he knew nothing of the program Russ shared that he was surprised about how much better he felt better physically in early recovery.

Relapse Show Notes – Recovered 397

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Mark, Aaron, and Spencer discuss the Recovery Topic of Relapse.  Aaron and Mark shared that they have not relapsed since they began their time in the fellowship.  Spencer, an Al-Anon, shared that he has experienced relapse in terms that his loved-one has relapsed before.  Spencer shared that when he experienced his loved-one’s relapse, he fell back on old ways in terms of trying to control the situation.  Spencer also shared that he never saw any of the signs of relapse and his denial prevented him from seeing clearly. Spencer shared that he also was over confident in terms of his loved one’s sobriety.  Spencer eventually started to work his Al-anon program by going to more meetings.

Aaron shared that he never really tried to get sober before he came to the program.  Mark shared about his experience with over confidence in recovery.  Over confidence led him into a situation where he thought about drinking, but he called his sponsor first.  Mark learned a valuable lesson, stay accountable and always beware that relapse is only a sip away.  Aaron shared that when a friend relapses and returns to the fellowship, he notices that regret and shame is such a big part of their early re-recovery.

Spencer shared that when his loved-ones relapsed, he had to learn how to manage his craving to control the other person’s behavior.  Mark shared from the Big Book on page 34.  The lesson is to never get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely, nor Tired (HALT).

Recovered 392 Show Notes – Willpower

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Mark, Joe and Russ discuss the Recovery Topic of Willpower. Joe shared that before he came into the program, he was in college taking a degree in philosophy. He studied both Teddy Roosevelt and Niche and their thoughts on Willpower. Joe also shared that in his up bringing, willpower was something expected of men.

 Russ shared that as a man in the sales profession, he attended many professional seminars which insisted on the positive aspects of willpower in the professional life. Many of these things being taught was counter to what he was taught in the program. Russ shared that since willpower didn’t work on his drinking problem, it was a great source of shame.

 Joe shared that his friends would put some social pressure on him to control himself by just having a couple of drinks when they went out. Joe said that he learned to leave events early and drink heavily after. Joe shared that as his disease progressed he could now see his powerlessness. He can remember drinking even when he didn’t want to drink. When Joe first came into the program he could recognize that he was unmanageable, but powerlessness was something that he had to work on to recognize it in his life.

Russ shared from the chapter in the Big Book, There is a Solution. The book tells us that when it comes to the first drink, we are powerless. But then we switched our view from the negative aspect to the positive aspect of willpower. Self-will is usually a negative when it comes to the program, but Russ shared that our problems are usually a result of misused willpower. Russ shared that his Higher Power is the source of power against the first drink. Russ shared that using willpower in the program is a positive use of willpower to do the things he may not want to do. Joe shared that willingness is critical in a program of recovery. Using willpower allows us to be willing to try something different. Working a program requires a willingness to do things we may not want to do and this is a positive use of willpower.

Russ shared from the 12 and 12 that the literature says we need all the willpower we have to do a 5th step. Mark shared that step 3 of the 12 and 12 says we need our will to conform with God’s will. This is the proper use of willpower according to the literature.

Recovered 388 Show Notes – Dating in Recovery

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This week, three single guys talk about dating in recovery.  Mark talks with Joe, Aaron, and Chris about their experience, strength, and hope regarding dating in recovery.

Joe started by sharing that he was in relationship when he first came into the program.  Initially, the fact that Joe was sober helped their relationship. Unlike other women that Joe had dated before recovery, this woman didn’t drink much.  After about a year of being sober, they decided to part ways.  One of the reasons was that the fellowship took a lot of Joe’s attention.

Aaron came into the fellowship “single” and was terrified of the thought of dating in sobriety.  The main reason for this fear was that Aaron thought that everybody drank and he just didn’t want to be around drinking people early on.  After a little bit of time, Aaron realized that most people don’t drink like he used to.  The first person he dated was not in the fellowship and was a very light drinker.  Aaron didn’t think it to be appropriate or “ethical”  to date new people in the fellowship.

When Chris came into the program, Chris was married.  Initially, the program helped his marriage and she was supportive of his involvement in the fellowship.  However, Chris did stay at home with the kids for functions that included drinking when they would have gone as a couple.

Joe along with Aaron shared their reservations of dating people inside the fellowship; mainly because of their observations that it doesn’t work very well.  Joe shared about fear of dating someone who may relapse during the relationship. The panel also shared about the suggested “no relationships for a year” rule.

Alex and Russ called in.
Helen contributed with an email.

Recovered 388 – Dating in Recovery

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Our Recovery Topic is Dating in Recovery

what was it like?
what is it like now?
what is your experience?
what are some of the challenges?

Video Clips include:

Dating and Drinking
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci78g84Qx8U

Dating Independent Woman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pirSM5IjosY

How to Prevent Addictions for Youth – Jane Velez Mitchell on the Fix
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xb2vOvIYSNw&feature=em-subs_digest-newavtr

Check out this episode!

Please Vote for Recovered Podcast in the Podcast Awards

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Because of your 12-step work to nominate our podcast, we are excited to announce we are  finalists in the 8th Annual Podcast Award in the Health / Fitness Category!  Please vote every day from November 1 through November 15.  Just go to

Podcast Awards

The 8th Annual Podcast Awards Ceremony will be Held at New Media Expo in Las Vegas on Jan 7th, 2013!

Recovered 379 – Letting Go

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Join Mark, Russ, Spencer, and Joe as they discuss the Recovery Topic “Letting Go”.

Materials Referenced During This Show
The Goldern Key

Russ opened the show by sharing that  letting go is is a process, something you do.  A process much like the grieving process.  Emotions such as anger, denial, bargaining are all part of both processes.  Grief and Letting Go both get better when acceptance is achieved.  Positive steps such as putting the banner “Let Go and Let God” right on his refrigerator.

Spencer shared that AA’s have to let go of alcohol, but Al-Anons. such as Spencer,  have to learn how to let go of the alcoholic.  “Let Go” was one of the first things he could do in the program.  He put the words” Let Go” right on his phone screen.  He started to let go of trying to control some one else’s drinking.  After a period of time in the program, Spencer learned how to separate the disease from the person and to let go of the disease.  Step one was the beginning of letting go.  Spencer experienced that his loved one moved toward recovery after he let go.

Joe shared that when he first came into the program, he had a fair share of anger toward God which made letting go and letting God near impossible, so Joe  set it aside until he was able to develop a relationship with his higher power.  Joe shared that he let go of drinking, but picking up again remained an option until he could trust his higher power.

Recovered 378 – Inventory

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Tonight, Joe, Spencer, Russ, and Mark share their experience strength and hope regarding Inventory.  They discuss steps 4 and 10.

Materials Referenced During This Episode

Joe and Charlie 4th Step Worksheet
4th Step Analyzer
The Annotated Big Book Handbook
Our Recovery Library (each purchase helps the show)

Joe’s initial reaction to step 4 as a new comer was that he didn’t want to do a 4th step.  Joe was told if he didn’t do a 4th, he would likely pick up a 5th.  After a little time, Joe decided he wanted a better recovery life, so his sponsor encouraged him to continue working the steps, especially steps 4 and 5 which required writing an inventory.

Spencer, an al-anon, initially thought that the steps were for his loved one who had the drink problem, not him.  But after a little bit of time in the fellowship, Spencer wanted what others had.  They seemed to be happy.  So he decided to do what they had done, an inventory.

Russ shared that he also didn’t want to do an inventory when he first came into the program.  But he was told that he would likely drink if he didn’t do an inventory, so he decided to work the steps.  Russ found that after step 3 he was ready to launch into a rigorous course of action which included an inventory.  The downside of not doing an inventory for an AA is relapse.  Spencer shared that the downside for an Al-anon in not doing steps 4 and 5 is to be stuck in the program doing and redoing steps 1 through 3.

The process of inventory allows us to look at our faults and grow.

Step 10, the daily inventory, was also discussed by all.

Recovered 376 – Anonymity

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Mark, Joe, and Russ discuss Anonymity.  What anonymity meant to them when they were new and what it means to their program now.  They discussed what it means on a personal level as well as a group level, along with press, radio, TV, and now the digital age.  They also discussed how it is important to not break others anonymity by saying someone is in AA

The audio clips cover celebrities in recovery and about recovery. Russ points out that none of the celebs reveal they are in any particular 12 step program and thereby do not break anonymity. Remember, you can always join us live during our podcast by visiting the Chat Room of this website on Tuesdays at about 7:00 pm EST. I usually tart the show early with music, so join us and send us comments while we podcast!

We have 3 interviews on the subject as well.  Thanks Chad, Mike, and Spencer!

Recovered 374 – Isolation

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The Recovery Topic tonight is Isolation.  Mark, Joe, and Spencer discuss Isolation before and after coming into the fellowship.  Joe shared that before the program, he could isolate even when in a crowd because he was disconnected with his piers.  Spencer, who is a member of Al-anon, shared that because of shame he isolated into himself so he didn’t have to face other people.

Joe shared that since he entered the fellowship, it’s important to stay connected to other recovery people so that they can call him out on his behavior.  Spencer shared that when he shares a problem at a meeting, he feels better as opposed to when he avoids sharing a problem and the problem tends to consume him.

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