Uncategorized

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

The Recovered Podcast Community is not a glum lot.  They contribute to the show and what they share is exactly what someone else needs to hear.  The new guy needs to hear your story.  So honor your 12th step obligation by calling in and help the guy who has not yet gone to his first meeting, you may make the difference in his life.  There are two ways to add to the show:

1. Speakpipe Use your mobile or computer and leave a message.  This is the preferred method because the sound quality is excellent.
2. 1-734-288-7510 is our voice message line.

Check out this episode!

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

The Recovered Podcast Community is not a glum lot.  They contribute to the show and what they share is exactly what someone else needs to hear.  The new guy needs to hear your story.  So honor your 12th step obligation by calling in and help the guy who has not yet gone to his first meeting, you may make the difference in his life.  There are two ways to add to the show:

1. Speakpipe Use your mobile or computer and leave a message.  This is the preferred method because the sound quality is excellent.
2. 1-734-288-7510 is our voice message line.

For most of us,
summer is the perfect time for recreation,
outdoor activities, socializing and relaxing.
For some of us,
Summer is the busy time of the year and
finding time for recovery is the challenge.

Now that you’re sober and summer is upon us,
your idea of fun will no doubt look and feel
a lot different than it did in the past?and that’s a good thing!

For those in recovery ?
especially early recovery ?
summertime can also present a unique set of challenges.

In the past, some of your summertime activities
may have been synonymous with destructive behaviors.
However, changing your lifestyle for the better
doesn’t necessarily mean you have to
redefine your personal definition of “fun.”

So, if you’re looking for some new summer activities
that will allow you to let loose, laugh and have fun
without the fear of triggering a relapse, you’re in luck.
We have suggestions!

What was your first summer like?
Did it feel odd to not use? How and why?
What were some of your triggers?
How did you cope?
What tools did you use?

What has held you back from enjoying summer as a sober person?
What is the best advice you ever received about keeping your recovery program strong during summer?
What book, website, podcast, music, movie, concert, do you recommend the new person to check out this summer?
What is something that is working for you right now in your summertime recovery program?

Suggestions you may want to comment on.
Go Camping, Embrace Nature
Join a Sports League
Travel and Sightseeing
Volunteer Your Time
Try a New Activity
Explore Your City or Home State
Involve Your Pets
Explore Your Creative Side
Coordinate/Vacation with Others in Recovery
BBQ
Meditate in unique places
Start an outdoor meeting

WE HAVE CALLS

Minus from San Diego
https://www.google.com/voice/fm/00557165274674955804/AHwOX_Cam1VcYbWkckfhcV37lRben1KjuV6yX76F1q76K7ugJ1ezNgk-3dKOsByei9D3DwnmtGVu6aZ7G2Rfmhge_QXACZk8ZZywHjSUot7Sduhx1mfX_rvcyIr9AElSyiuqO8rtjFUU40LsCaziMe2mbLfJcBVosQ

Tony from Connecticut
https://www.google.com/voice/fm/00557165274674955804/AHwOX_C7xeRDQcbFfA9N9DeN7ilzFy7w_RGxOiaxCFLoz3p-W4VnzuWN-pQu4GSX6EsTHayf8w9D0Gym3vOemBUiJDB3zjRIFOB4FoOBrojnGYA0g_xKLXg5qr1yrgwP2K1oNZAmrQJSv4kgmcW1WKNosY0dYuPcyg

Mike from Walled Lake
https://www.google.com/voice/fm/00557165274674955804/AHwOX_AFrptoocO–mXxFh47CrcyP3bWA2uG3C721bAa3u9vpbzs39rjD6P6-klTGvb5jBteL3wh2n14vn5djpuAbt_8n4ox2ffPVnhSjo9MQCAjRSeWaOywjfbMU9DUhLKohdLHi2Lw07dm1yAgKzNoxHRvCyVU6A
Zach from Canton
https://www.google.com/voice/fm/00557165274674955804/AHwOX_BEjUpRORxv6Pw21CAhsQ4LFuhk1HzaXpk1JEylDOxHztUc4TXpDyKrgCb6-jOAwM4q2ABBGjO8yOUP6eBf024E-2i4urlFSLgCPYUuHmp6vNaf4qUxYDQK-FEgy4TGDd2joiEpVsvLpZ7sCNjC6bLgSnOWIg

Buddy from Ga
https://www.google.com/voice/fm/00557165274674955804/AHwOX_Ddxbi9JmTsGODzf_J1umCOVq2Hr1a9Jzgd2BG4cGZQ2MTw7LCeEoS4FTwDEbAgmC6BLiLeriOsY0klxF5wWJ7TjRyx1X0ECEIBSeQqEoGckCw-EuWZmTILUFdqjszCgDGhsob0HUeGopKSdPg7V53Kxei4AA

Check out this episode!

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

The Recovered Podcast Community is not a glum lot.  They contribute to the show and what they share is exactly what someone else needs to hear.  The new guy needs to hear your story.  So honor your 12th step obligation by calling in and help the guy who has not yet gone to his first meeting, you may make the difference in his life.  There are two ways to add to the show:

1. Speakpipe Use your mobile or computer and leave a message.  This is the preferred method because the sound quality is excellent.
2. 1-734-288-7510 is our voice message line.

Check out this episode!

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

The Recovered Podcast Community is not a glum lot.  They contribute to the show and what they share is exactly what someone else needs to hear.  The new guy needs to hear your story.  So honor your 12th step obligation by calling in and help the guy who has not yet gone to his first meeting, you may make the difference in his life.  There are two ways to add to the show:

1. Speakpipe Use your mobile or computer and leave a message.  This is the preferred method because the sound quality is excellent.
2. 1-734-288-7510 is our voice message line.

Tonight dear listener,
we are trying something different.
We will be answering your questions.

Normally, I ask our audience a question and they call in with their experience, strength, and hope.

Now it’s their turn to ask the questions.

If you are in the chat room, feel free to ask questions.
Ask away and we will try to respond to your inquiry

But as we line up our listener questions

Let me start.

What are you working on in your program today?
What is holding you back in your program today?
What recent good advice have you received?
What book, movie, tv show are you watching?

Jim – Walk in wilderness
https://www.speakpipe.com/messages

Mandy – walk in wilderness
https://www.speakpipe.com/messages

Clyde – Biggest Threat
https://www.speakpipe.com/messages

Alex
https://www.speakpipe.com/messages

Tony – Perfectionism
https://www.google.com/voice/fm/00557165274674955804/AHwOX_Df9pCeMXdyutsu-bhepnL_irKaqz5w7SQ7qeJQTgGcHTPx1KNZklzowqceMP95DlTPq2ABmz3uXOE-bJzlC5eREo6Tey3iXxXXEGAqhLkywYi54JF4TIjxk-7cPOv2n7IU4Sow51WeRir61RUmsW6_y0TLMQ

Buddy – Humility
https://www.google.com/voice/fm/00557165274674955804/AHwOX_Df9pCeMXdyutsu-bhepnL_irKaqz5w7SQ7qeJQTgGcHTPx1KNZklzowqceMP95DlTPq2ABmz3uXOE-bJzlC5eREo6Tey3iXxXXEGAqhLkywYi54JF4TIjxk-7cPOv2n7IU4Sow51WeRir61RUmsW6_y0TLMQ

Don – Home Group
https://www.speakpipe.com/messages

Check out this episode!

Looking Back and Moving On

On a recent visit home after quite some time apart, my son “Elliot” and I did a dual interview to discuss our experience roughly five years ago with Substance Use Disorder (referred to as SUD, most of which is detailed in my book Unhooked).

With a list of questions from various parents and family members who have been affected by the opiate epidemic surging through homes across the nation, we sat down for a very real, open conversation.

In our interview conversation, Elliot gave his perspective as one who has been to the depths of darkness with this disease and I gave mine as a Mother who was deeply affected.  We touched some on our background and story and then went right into the most intense dynamics we faced as a family.

Relapse occurs mentally long before it occurs physically.

When asked if he ever “hit bottom,” Elliot’s response was “Yes, several times and each time was worse than before. But life would then eventually come together again,” he explained, “things would level out and almost as if forgetting, I would drift back to that mindset again and find myself on track to another bottom.”  Elliot explained that it wasn’t until he decided to live a life with different goals and began refocusing his thoughts toward staying on track that he began taking preventative steps to avoid circling back through and repeating dangerous cycles.

Family relationships will recover if you allow for time and forgiveness.

As is common when substance abuse has raged through a family, our family dynamics were a disaster for a while. Crisis tends to bring out whatever pathological “trash” (meaning; it causes everyone’s dysfunction to rise to the surface) lies dormant.  There were hard feelings, bad blood and fractured communication on all sides.

Where we are today is a far cry from where we were then.  Recovery is possible and I believe, it works best when everyone does individual work on themselves (therapy, relevant books, support groups etc).  With time and compassion, we both began to realize that in the midst of some terrible circumstances, everyone was doing the best they thought they could do.

It’s not personal

Regarding stressful conflict, texts that get hateful, conversations that turn toxic and behaviors that involve betrayal, lying stealing etc. Elliot’s explanation related to a speaker he heard teaching from the book Choice Theory, written by William Glasser. The idea is that there are times we internally commit to choices.  Sometimes we will commit to a choice even if it’s wrong, and drive it all the way home, believing it is the best choice, the only choice, in that moment.

When it comes to a Loved One committing to a wrong choice that is having terrible effects on others, Elliot’s suggestion was to not engage it, protect yourself, and back away.

When someone is deep in struggle with a dependency upon a substance, their thoughts are only on what they need to do to meet that need. Anyone they affect or argue with is either a steppingstone, a source, or in the way.

And that is exactly what the disease of addiction does. The mentality of your Loved One is not only unlike the person you know and love, it’s not intentional, but it is adversarial.  SUD takes over the mind and will of the person struggling.

I had to realize, the less I make everything in life about me, the easier it is to logically deal with things.

Silence is excruciating

Some of our conversation covered when communication is cut off between the one struggling and the family at home.  Those can be extremely frightening, painful times for a parent.

I asked my son to think of what he feels if his dog is out of sight, even for a few minutes and doesn’t respond when he calls for him.

Or?what happens when he can’t find his cell phone.

Those situations prompt frantic moments of panic and relentless searching. Now, multiply those feelings by a million to understand what a parent goes through when their child is lost, off in active addiction or perhaps has gone silent for days on end.

It is those emotions that drive our decisions to investigate, search you out, walk the floors, and “lose it” emotionally.  These were the times that I had to absolutely prop myself up on my faith.

SUD is a crisis no family should have to become great at handling.

There are ways to go about it with sound, healthy judgment. But there is no way to become perfect at handling the crisis of addiction.  The reality is, it’s a terrible disease that creates terrible circumstances, conflicts and emotion for anyone touched by it.

Don’t go crazy in the madness of it!  That will solve nothing.

During the worst of times I literally became a detective, researching, spying, tracking people and chasing away anyone he was involved with.  I even kept binoculars in my car!

Elliot made it clear this resulted in a huge breakdown in communication, furthering the breach of trust between us.  It also caused him to go to greater lengths to find sources, involving much more risk and danger than usual.

Chasing him down, doing the crazy things, going mad in the midst of it ? helped no one, solved nothing and didn’t cause anyone or anything to get better.

Had I put up healthy boundaries, enforced consequences, while maintaining a kinder, more logical position and then taken my hands off, we may have been better able to discuss solutions sooner than we did.  Looking back, I did the best I could with the tools I had, we all did.  If I had it to do again, I would have taken a softer (yet firm in healthy ways) approach and been fully equipped with the CRAFT method in place.

It took time for us both to heal from those days.

There’s hope

Elliot’s advice to those who are in their teens, 20s and 30s who may wrestle with SUD, regardless of how it began is that it life doesn’t have to be about leaning on a substance or who can party the hardest. “At the end of the day you end up sloppy and might be living down current choices for decades to come.”

Elliot’s words for anyone caught in the trap of active use who feels lost, alone, hopeless and like there is no way get out, “Please know there are thousands of hands out there ready to help you.  You can find a meeting (NA, AA etc) taking place every day in your city.  All you have to do is call, show up, reach out.”

His hope for families was to let them know, when he came to the end of every resource and had to become his own resource (meaning, lovingly cut off from all supply of money and housing), he had to find his own way.  That is what drove him to the desire for sobriety, recovery and a healthy productive life.

We are all relieved with how far he’s come (and how far we’ve come as a family) these last four years.

Recovery works.

I asked my son the other day when he was home, if it bothered him to go into old, familiar places or potentially cross paths with upsetting people there may have been previous conflict with.  I wondered because those things tend to bother me. His response was “Not at all.  Places don’t affect me anymore like they used to.  As for people, I’m aware of energy and vibes, if they’re negative and rude, all it tells me is that the person hasn’t dealt with their issues. I’ve moved on.”

Once you heal and move forward, you really can be done with the residual effects.

We are aware of the work of recovery and its power in our lives in how completely our relationship has healed.  A wonderful aspect of having gone through it is that due to the level crisis we reached, we dealt with our issues and then we put them behind us. There’s no elephant in the room today, or junk swept under the rug that we have to ignore when we sit down to dinner or have a visit. We live in the wholeness of the moment and celebrate life as it is now. Looking back only to learn and reminisce, but focusing forward on where we are now and what lies ahead.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Never give up,

Annie

Check out this episode!

Looking Back and Moving On

On a recent visit home after quite some time apart, my son “Elliot” and I did a dual interview to discuss our experience roughly five years ago with Substance Use Disorder (referred to as SUD, most of which is detailed in my book Unhooked).

With a list of questions from various parents and family members who have been affected by the opiate epidemic surging through homes across the nation, we sat down for a very real, open conversation.

In our interview conversation, Elliot gave his perspective as one who has been to the depths of darkness with this disease and I gave mine as a Mother who was deeply affected.  We touched some on our background and story and then went right into the most intense dynamics we faced as a family.

Relapse occurs mentally long before it occurs physically.

When asked if he ever “hit bottom,” Elliot’s response was “Yes, several times and each time was worse than before. But life would then eventually come together again,” he explained, “things would level out and almost as if forgetting, I would drift back to that mindset again and find myself on track to another bottom.”  Elliot explained that it wasn’t until he decided to live a life with different goals and began refocusing his thoughts toward staying on track that he began taking preventative steps to avoid circling back through and repeating dangerous cycles.

Family relationships will recover if you allow for time and forgiveness.

As is common when substance abuse has raged through a family, our family dynamics were a disaster for a while. Crisis tends to bring out whatever pathological “trash” (meaning; it causes everyone’s dysfunction to rise to the surface) lies dormant.  There were hard feelings, bad blood and fractured communication on all sides.

Where we are today is a far cry from where we were then.  Recovery is possible and I believe, it works best when everyone does individual work on themselves (therapy, relevant books, support groups etc).  With time and compassion, we both began to realize that in the midst of some terrible circumstances, everyone was doing the best they thought they could do.

It’s not personal

Regarding stressful conflict, texts that get hateful, conversations that turn toxic and behaviors that involve betrayal, lying stealing etc. Elliot’s explanation related to a speaker he heard teaching from the book Choice Theory, written by William Glasser. The idea is that there are times we internally commit to choices.  Sometimes we will commit to a choice even if it’s wrong, and drive it all the way home, believing it is the best choice, the only choice, in that moment.

When it comes to a Loved One committing to a wrong choice that is having terrible effects on others, Elliot’s suggestion was to not engage it, protect yourself, and back away.

When someone is deep in struggle with a dependency upon a substance, their thoughts are only on what they need to do to meet that need. Anyone they affect or argue with is either a steppingstone, a source, or in the way.

And that is exactly what the disease of addiction does. The mentality of your Loved One is not only unlike the person you know and love, it’s not intentional, but it is adversarial.  SUD takes over the mind and will of the person struggling.

I had to realize, the less I make everything in life about me, the easier it is to logically deal with things.

Silence is excruciating

Some of our conversation covered when communication is cut off between the one struggling and the family at home.  Those can be extremely frightening, painful times for a parent.

I asked my son to think of what he feels if his dog is out of sight, even for a few minutes and doesn’t respond when he calls for him.

Or…what happens when he can’t find his cell phone.

Those situations prompt frantic moments of panic and relentless searching. Now, multiply those feelings by a million to understand what a parent goes through when their child is lost, off in active addiction or perhaps has gone silent for days on end.

It is those emotions that drive our decisions to investigate, search you out, walk the floors, and “lose it” emotionally.  These were the times that I had to absolutely prop myself up on my faith.

SUD is a crisis no family should have to become great at handling.

There are ways to go about it with sound, healthy judgment. But there is no way to become perfect at handling the crisis of addiction.  The reality is, it’s a terrible disease that creates terrible circumstances, conflicts and emotion for anyone touched by it.

Don’t go crazy in the madness of it!  That will solve nothing.

During the worst of times I literally became a detective, researching, spying, tracking people and chasing away anyone he was involved with.  I even kept binoculars in my car!

Elliot made it clear this resulted in a huge breakdown in communication, furthering the breach of trust between us.  It also caused him to go to greater lengths to find sources, involving much more risk and danger than usual.

Chasing him down, doing the crazy things, going mad in the midst of it – helped no one, solved nothing and didn’t cause anyone or anything to get better.

Had I put up healthy boundaries, enforced consequences, while maintaining a kinder, more logical position and then taken my hands off, we may have been better able to discuss solutions sooner than we did.  Looking back, I did the best I could with the tools I had, we all did.  If I had it to do again, I would have taken a softer (yet firm in healthy ways) approach and been fully equipped with the CRAFT method in place.

It took time for us both to heal from those days.

There’s hope

Elliot’s advice to those who are in their teens, 20s and 30s who may wrestle with SUD, regardless of how it began is that it life doesn’t have to be about leaning on a substance or who can party the hardest. “At the end of the day you end up sloppy and might be living down current choices for decades to come.”

Elliot’s words for anyone caught in the trap of active use who feels lost, alone, hopeless and like there is no way get out, “Please know there are thousands of hands out there ready to help you.  You can find a meeting (NA, AA etc) taking place every day in your city.  All you have to do is call, show up, reach out.”

His hope for families was to let them know, when he came to the end of every resource and had to become his own resource (meaning, lovingly cut off from all supply of money and housing), he had to find his own way.  That is what drove him to the desire for sobriety, recovery and a healthy productive life.

We are all relieved with how far he’s come (and how far we’ve come as a family) these last four years.

Recovery works.

I asked my son the other day when he was home, if it bothered him to go into old, familiar places or potentially cross paths with upsetting people there may have been previous conflict with.  I wondered because those things tend to bother me. His response was “Not at all.  Places don’t affect me anymore like they used to.  As for people, I’m aware of energy and vibes, if they’re negative and rude, all it tells me is that the person hasn’t dealt with their issues. I’ve moved on.”

Once you heal and move forward, you really can be done with the residual effects.

We are aware of the work of recovery and its power in our lives in how completely our relationship has healed.  A wonderful aspect of having gone through it is that due to the level crisis we reached, we dealt with our issues and then we put them behind us. There’s no elephant in the room today, or junk swept under the rug that we have to ignore when we sit down to dinner or have a visit. We live in the wholeness of the moment and celebrate life as it is now. Looking back only to learn and reminisce, but focusing forward on where we are now and what lies ahead.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Never give up,

Annie

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

The Recovered Podcast Community is not a glum lot.  They contribute to the show and what they share is exactly what someone else needs to hear.  The new guy needs to hear your story.  So honor your 12th step obligation by calling in and help the guy who has not yet gone to his first meeting, you may make the difference in his life.  There are two ways to add to the show:

1. Speakpipe Use your mobile or computer and leave a message.  This is the preferred method because the sound quality is excellent.
2. 1-734-288-7510 is our voice message line.

Check out this episode!

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

The Recovered Podcast Community is not a glum lot.  They contribute to the show and what they share is exactly what someone else needs to hear.  The new guy needs to hear your story.  So honor your 12th step obligation by calling in and help the guy who has not yet gone to his first meeting, you may make the difference in his life.  There are two ways to add to the show:

1. Speakpipe Use your mobile or computer and leave a message.  This is the preferred method because the sound quality is excellent.
2. 1-734-288-7510 is our voice message line.

A home group is a place you come to on a regular basis, we get to know you and you get to know us. A home group is great place to get involved with the fellowship. You can do this by doing service work, chairing meetings, make coffee, cleaning up after the meeting, setting up before the meeting;

What was your first home group?
Why did you select that group?
How did it help your early recovery?
Tell us a story about how that group may have saved your life.
What service work do you do?
Did you meet your sponsor there?
Tell us about the meeting before the meeting and the meeting after the meeting.

What is your home group now?
Why did you change?
How is this one different?
What service work do you do?
Do you have a home group?
How does it help your program?

We Have Calls

Mandy
https://www.speakpipe.com/messages

Angelo Buddy
https://mail.google.com/mail/ca/u/0/#inbox/15c46bd1cf421f81?projector=1

Timmy
https://www.google.com/voice/fm/00557165274674955804/AHwOX_D7OKGcOpM8eyllxD1e0E8BFyCwWU_DqN9Sq76uPT-kjsYClDKo2CGVKVbnheCZ1f3KUu4pKJ4tFHOuJKZz-rW7F0r9efCd0YZ2LH2yYa_NotJKmH0zLhe2389tmRsTkZBS2PxX1SLRhCGs8TCEdseG8qKN_w

Cathy from Ga
https://www.google.com/voice/fm/00557165274674955804/AHwOX_BVac0fM62GFyI9xRWpex2HLRVhIdp2wcREsLWg5YNKtgKyM9zPBzvr7KJgNOTEWtjfYZluHSY1tdpSfC-MHqOhh_ERWjFiaBp41Ijn0wGig–R5VuZ-fgKL4zjSoLjTxOxb49ABJhIlZant_7t40eM64QvzA

Aviad From Israel
https://www.google.com/voice/fm/00557165274674955804/AHwOX_CcoC4ZgQuwFB1qLX01SVL3HoDEyCgDhYbFjDFfXQQG2FGLAwgETn6KyKTevZIwAHlKYTqZgIHzlBpLw1dSIQBZKB9saR8UDFazxRq_10HX5ESB4glqTSu_Bk1VoIEcXaKQyglrIZIITM-4QS4llNIBbIWacQ

Alex from Austin
https://www.speakpipe.com/messages

Check out this episode!