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Mark S

Best Of Recovered Anna From Spera – Recovered 457

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We are taking some time off for the holidays.  In the meantime, enjoy a Best Of Recovered Episode featuring Anna from Dawn Fam’s Spera, their Detox Center.

Check out this episode!

Scott PDX and His Experience Strength and Hope

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This was provided by one of our listeners, Scott PDX


I wanted to share my first step with you. Pretty easy instructions from my sponsor, Matt–a kind and glorious soul with over 25 years of sobriety. He told me do a bunch of reading and then write an essay on Step One.


Truth be told, I was not dragged to the fellowship kicking and screaming. At 37 years of age, death was upon me. I was broken and no longer ashamed to ask for help. So, I jumped headlong into the process. This has all come pretty easy for me. I was making a lousy God. I needed a new strategy. This will work if you GIVE UP your will to fix yourself. Our plans for ourselves SUCK. Let your Higher Power work through the community around you. Melt into these rooms. You will evolve.



Step One:
“We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.”
And so our scholarly journey begins—the written account of my disease, my allergy—my obsession.
Admitting powerlessness is not in my nature. In fact, accepting weakness is not in any of our natures. It is as if its mere acknowledgement forever exposes the lightly-furred underbelly of our being. In my youth, my feelings were not recognized by my parents. I endured horrible depression and sadness at the hands of miscommunication and our inherent inability to connect. I was not raised by cold and calculated hands—more the unsure arms of a shaky public figure. Those cold hands could have shown purpose and intent. I knew not what my purpose was… and only the intent that I would become just as successful and show-worthy as my father’s friends’ children.


However, I was unfocused and undersized. I had to keep my defenses up to dodge bullies, teachers and coaches. Looking around, I found myself on sports teams and in school clubs that did not seem to value my attendance. I was looked over, frequently, and possibly underestimated. These factors caused me to embody a self-conscious inadequacy. I tried to navigate life unseen—for as long as possible.


As I entered adulthood, my resume became littered with numerous fledgling failures. I was kicked out of several schools for my failure to perform. I held jobs for only months at a time. None of the females I met seemed to find any interest in me—as I was absolutely terrified of them.


When I met Jennifer, things began to change. She was the living embodiment of so many personal characteristics that I admired. She attributed it all to her four-year tour in the U.S Marine Corps. My destiny was revealed. No more would I be this down-trodden pussy pushover that went unnoticed by the world. I was going to take my fate into my own hands and enter adulthood in a way that no one could deny. Achieving the title “Marine” would become my “yellow sun” and no Kryptonite could stop me.


Up until this time I had consumed irresponsibly. I had smoked some and hallucinated on other such drugs. Alcohol and drug use was fun. It was something we all did. My eight years in the service found me drinking whenever humanly possible. Our events contained components that glorified alcohol consumption. Its numbing effects were such that I could drown out the still-present self-hatred and depression in my life.


I had never considered that my post-military alcohol usage was chronic or problematic. I just drank. We all drank. A lot. After all—if I could be killed, it would have happened already, right? In 2006, the year of my discharge, I became a contractor… a civilian with a regular job that reflected the job skills that I acquired while I was in the Corps. I lived in Key West and I was consumed with becoming a regular at every bar that I liked. I became known as quite a party boy. I wanted to live the island life. I played in bands and attended events. However, when the drinking was done, I was expected to attend my job—coherently. This is where I could start seeing the problem with my lifestyle. My health quickly began to fade. My feet began to swell and hurt. I could feel my physiology failing me. I would catch every cold and become laid out by any hangover. I became emotionally unstable. During fits of intoxication I would call people back home and cry. It was pathetic. I was starting to spiral out of control, but no one would really put their foot down to stop me. I would come in late to work. I didn’t want to be there, I couldn’t. I could sense that the way I lived wasn’t normal… but I wasn’t a normal guy, right? I was a tough Marine, riddled with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and the host of problems that it carried. The drinking seemed to keep my mind off of my mind. It also seemed to pull me deeper and deeper into degeneration.


Our move to Augusta, GA in 2008 was a life-saving act of God. It took me out of the fire. However, the frying pan I was standing in was heated by the hatred of my new job. A recent doctor visit slammed me with a diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes. This was bad. How did a bad-ass Marine become a fatted pig of a man? I was bloated with calories… and by my allergy to alcohol. Clearly this was a good reason to stop drinking. Diabetes was not a joke—it had taken the life of a 30-year-old friend just a year prior. I was heart-broken by the idea that I should not drink anymore. How can you ask a man to ignore his caregiver? Alcohol was my maid, my mother, my lover and my best friend. It was an instant vacation. Where would I be without my escape?


No one made me stop… and so I kept on drinking. I tested the waters with moderation, but that was boring and ineffective. I could not moderate. Moderation showed a lack of commitment. I was not a moderate man. I live in a world of extremes. Moderation would not instill the endurance to stay awake on the front lines for two days without sleep. Moderation did not get the girl and moderation could not repel the pain around me.


With no impending catastrophes… I kept drinking. I stopped taking my medication–a death sentence. I mean, I can’t be any different than the hundreds of millions that have died from this in the past. I just hadn’t hit bottom yet.


Then I got really drunk and wrecked my car in a snowstorm. That was the snow’s fault and not my own, right? The cop that rescued me could not, or would not acknowledge that I was extremely impaired. I got away again.
After Thanksgiving week of 2012, I was finally struck with an acute case of Pancreatitis. It was a hospital stay that was grueling. My blood sugar and cholesterol were so bad that I almost died. I was not allowed food for a week. I felt like I had been shot in the stomach with a revolver. During my recovery in my hospital bed, I had a roommate that was on dialysis due to extreme alcohol use. He reeked. He was a lousy human being to share a room with and I wished that he’d just die or leave. He was a living example of just how bad it could be.


With a week out of work, I had nothing to worry about other than reformatting my life. I had my wife bring me a small kettlebell to work out with in my hospital room. I would walk laps around the recovery ward. My enemy was my blood sugar. I would not lie in bed and let it rise and fall. I would drive it from my body. I would beat Diabetes, starting now. Drinking brought me here, and from here I would fight. I listened to a song called “Destroy Everything” by Hatebreed, continuously. The anthem called for me to “obliterate what makes me weak” and “rebuild and start again.” The doctors had finally put their foots down, collectively: “NO MORE ALCOHOL, EVER.” That’s it. The bar was set. That was the extreme finality of it all. My maid, mother, friend and lover, Alcohol, was to be summarily executed like deposed dictator.
I was released from the hospital on the eighth day with the stomach the size of a walnut, a broken pancreas and the heart of a lion. I returned to work, deftly dodging the inevitable questions of why I was gone. After all, I wasn’t going to just tell them:


“I am an alcoholic, whose inability to manage and moderate his life has caused me to over-indulge and compromise the integrity of everything around me.”


Yeah, that shit wasn’t happening. I couldn’t lie, though. I was a diabetic… and I wasn’t taking my medication. That was the reason I told them. Admitting to alcoholism was out of the question, despite its obvious truth. My colleagues continued to goad me with drinks, trips to the bar and six-packs. I found ways to turn them down but on the inside I was crawwwwwwllling. My temper was villainous. I could not control my thinking patterns. I could not be close to anyone. On the 25th day of my promise to live an alcohol-free life, I gave in and drank two beers. Sadly, they were just as delicious as I’d remembered them. The tingle in my throat and stomach was familiar. My face became flush and my body became relaxed. I was home again. I was hoping that I would experience a crippling guilt but it did not come. Dedicated to making this a positive event, I began putting rules on my drinking. I would only drink a certain amount at a certain time. Those rules began to flex. Within a matter of weeks, I was drinking WHILE driving, throwing beer cans out of the window like a derelict, and hiding alcohol in my car. The truth was blinding.


“I am an alcoholic, whose inability to manage and moderate his life has caused me to over-indulge and compromise the integrity of everything around me.”


Even as certain death stares me in the face, I continued to drink. I would enjoy smaller amounts—because becoming too intoxicated would reveal the truth to my wife. I would not stop though. The small amounts were too much to ignore. I was proposed the idea that I needed to go to meetings. I needed AA. Against everything I had hoped was true about myself, I agreed and went to that first meeting. I felt that I had been beaten. Life had beaten me. I loved life and I love my wife more than I love being right, though. I can push past the stigma of 12-step programs and just give in. Apparently they have a better track record than I do. I have to trust something besides myself. I have to learn to let go of the things I wish to control, bind my hands and feet, and throw myself defenselessly into recovery.

Scott PDX

Podcast Episode Cancelled

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Due to an illness in the family, we will be able to podcast this week.  We hope to be back next Monday, December 30, 2013 at 6:30 pm EST (-5 GMT).

How Do You Stay Sober During the Holidays?

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Help us prepare for our next show on Monday, December 23 at 6:30 pm EST (-5 GMT).  Our Recovery Topic will be Sobriety During the Holidays.  Call in and add to the show at 734-288-7510.

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

Sleep and Early Recovery – Recovered 456

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We are about the solution here at the Recovered Podcast.  So we are going to talk about sleeping tips. What has been your experience with sleep in early recovery and what are some of the things that have helped. Also, what are some of the things that have not helped.

What is your experience?

Here are 12 Sleeping Tips during Early Recovery 


1. Create a good sleeping environment, e.g., bed comfort, quietness,
darkness, comfortable temperature, and ventilation
2. Consider a white noise generator if there is a problem with noise in the
environment.
3. Set a consistent time period for going to bed and getting up, including on
weekends
4. Avoid daytime naps
5. Eliminate or reduce caffeine intake (particularly after 3 pm)
6. Get exercise early in the day, but avoid exercise in the evening
7. Keep a sleep diary by your bed, noting sleep patterns, troublesome
thoughts, dreams, etc. and discuss troublesome dreams with your counselor,
sponsor or others in recovery.
8. Learn and utilized relaxation techniques, e.g., progressive relaxation,
visualization, breathing exercises; use recovery prayers and self-talk
(slogans) as an aid in getting to sleep.
9. Minimize activities other than sleeping in your bed, e.g., eating, working,
watching television, reading, etc.
10. Avoid large, late meals; have a light snack before bedtime—some that
can actually aid sleep, e.g., small turkey sandwich, warm milk, a banana, a
cup of hot chamomile tea
11. Create a consistent bedtime routine and stick with it.
12. If you can’t get to sleep within 30 minutes, get out of bed and do
something relaxing in low light until you feel sleepy.

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Joe K Returns to the Recovered Studios!

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Tune in on Monday December 16 as Joe K returns to the Recovered Podcast Studios! We couldn’t podcast last week, but we will be ready this week. Our recovery topic will be Sleep and Early Recovery. Tune in on Monday at 6:30 pm EST (-5 GMT) and listen live, just click http://recoveredcast.blogspot.com/p/chat-room.html Call in and leave a message for Joe at 734-288-7510

Help Us Prepare For Our next Show on Sleep and Early Recovery

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Our next show is on Monday, December 16, 2013 at 6:30 pm EST (-5 GMT).  The Recovery Topic will be Sleep and early Recovery.  Take the survey and join us live!

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

Serenity – Recovered 455

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1. Where does serenity show up in your life?  How do you know you have it? Is it important?  Why? Peace shows up inour hearts. Tranquility is the quiet within that gives us access to our higher selves. By tapping into the quiet of our hearts, we experience space, flow and possibility – core ingredients that help us to live peacefully.

Other places that peace shows up is in our physical space, our relationships and in our spirituality. We find peace in the purpose of our lives and we experience peace in our careers. Additionally, we experience peace in our families and in our communities. We find peace in our communication and in who and how we are.

2. Is serenity the absence of conflict, or is it a state of mind (and being) unto itself? If peace and serenity is some-thing more than the absence of conflict, what is it? What are the core ingredients of peace? What qualities help to generate peace — both internal tranquility as well as peace between adversaries?

3. Is serenity maintainable over time? If our lives are in a constant state of flux and forward momentum, how do we maintain our composure and equilibrium? How does one live from one’s center when there are constant obstacles coming our way and which serve to keep us off balance, and which destabilize us? How does one live in tranquility when flux is all around?

4. Is it possible to orient one’s self and life around the quality of serenity?  That is, can you situate your life to maximize your serenity?  How do you do this? If so, what commitment would you need to make in order to do so? What would this look like? How would your life look or be different?

5. What is your experience of serenity? When was the last time you paid attention to peace and tranquility, and your experience of it? What’s not conscious is often elusive. Focus on the quality and the role of peace in your life in order to increase it.

6. What elements contribute to the creation of continued peace and tranquility? If we understand what contributes to the creation of peace and tranquility, we’ll be better equipped to generate it in the future. We’ll be able to summon the creation of peace through conscious thought and action.

7. Is peace quantifiable? We count the wars between nations, but do we count or appreciate the days of peace? We name and count our adversaries, but take for granted our friends and loved ones. How do we quantify something we all too often take for granted?

8. What does inner serenity provide us access to? If peace is the gateway to a higher state of being, such as love, compassion and gratitude, how can we harness the power of peace and utilize it for the betterment of our lives? If peace provides us access to choice, opportunities and possibility, how can we build upon the foundational elements that generate growth built upon peace? What DOES peace provide us access to?

9. Does tranquility live anywhere but the present? We might build upon the past and we might use our vision for the future as a source of inspiration, but tranquility exists only in the present moment. Understand this profound but simple concept and transformation becomes possible! Each moment becomes a new opportunity to create peace and harmony.

10. Can peace and tranquility live without compassion? Compassion is an underlying tenet of peace. “Compassion is the sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) While our motivation to seek peace might not always emerge from compassion, compassion is required for peace to hold.


Final Thoughts


http://anonpress.org/bb/

http://aa.org/twelveandtwelve/en_tableofcnt.cfm

http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/thought.view?catId=1901

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Help Us Prepare For Our Next Show On Serenity

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Our next show is on Monday, December 2, 2013 at 6:30 pm EST (-5 GMT).  The Recovery Topic will be Serenity.  Take the survey and join us live!

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

Thanksgiving- Recovered 454

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In the United States, on the 4th Thursday of November, we have a national holiday called thanksgiving.  It’s a time that we take the opportunity to gather with friends and family and celebrate the things we are thankful for.  So this episode is also set aside to talk about the things that we are thankful for.  

We also want to acknowledge that this can be the most difficult time of year for us alcoholics and al-anons. So we’d like to practice our program with one of our basic recovery tools, the gratitude list. To kick off the show, let’s take a look at what our listeners are grateful for.  We asked the question, “What difficulties can you be grateful for? What thoughts do you have about being able to look at past difficulties as blessings in disguise?

Let’s turn our discussions to you our hosts.  Let’s start this discussion with people in our lives

1. Who do you appreciate? How has recovery affected your attitude toward the people in your lives?
2. How are you fortunate?  How has recovery played a part in your ability to be grateful about your circumstances?
3. What material possessions are you thankful for?
4. What abilities do you have that you are grateful for?
5. What about your surroundings (home/neighborhood/city/etc.) are you thankful for?
6. What experiences have you had that you are grateful for?
7. What happened today/yesterday/this week/this month/this year that you are grateful for?
8. What opportunities do you have that you are thankful for?
9. What have others in your life done that you are thankful for?
10. What have others done that you are benefiting from in your life (even if you don’t know who those people are)?
11. What relationships are you thankful for?
12. What are you taking for granted that, if you stop to think about it, you are grateful for?
13. What is there about the challenges/difficulties you have experienced (or are currently experiencing) that you can be thankful for? (e.g., What have you learned? How have you grown?)
14. What is different today than it was a year ago that you are thankful for?
15. What insights have you gained that you are grateful for?

Final Thoughts

Check out this episode!