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On Tuesday, our recovery topic will be “Family and Recovery.”

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Do we want to get better? – Article by Author Annie Highwater

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Do we want to get better?

 

We are five years into this process of recovery after many years of crisis, trauma and all of the after-effects.  It has taken time to come to a place of peace, strength and confidence.

As well, it takes time to find consistent calm in life.  It was often hard, soul searching work.

Early on in my efforts to improve my life I was asked by a seasoned recovery expert: “Do you really want to get better?”

Strange question. Shouldn’t that be obvious?  Doesn’t everyone?

But, we have all known someone who has a slew of problems, often unloads them to you, yet has a reason to doubt every possible solution.  While repeatedly returning to their mess only to come back later with a new round of similar complaints.

I’ve seen it countless times.  More than a few times I’ve lived it.

The natural questions that come to mind are, does this person want a better life? Or do they just want to be comforted.  Do they simply want attention and company as they remain in their misery?

Getting better is hard work.  It takes effort to change and create a more peaceful, healthy life. It’s not easy breaking out of the very problems we are sometimes identified by.

An Article in Psychology Today written by David Sack, M.D. mentions the theory that people like negative feelings. A study by Eduardo Andrade and Joel Cohen, which evaluated why people enjoy horror movies, concluded that some of the viewers were “happy to be unhappy.”

Researchers found that people experience both negative and positive emotions at the same time, meaning they not only enjoy the relief they feel when the threat is removed but also enjoy being scared. This same theory, they argued, may help explain why humans are drawn to extreme sports and other risky activities that elicit terror or disgust.

As people we are layered.  What might present on the surface as misery, could subconsciously be a familiar, comfortable identity we fear moving out of.

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE CHRONICALLY UNHAPPY

How do you know if you’re one of these people who live in a perpetual state of unhappiness? People who are addicted to unhappiness tend to:

  • Find reasons to be miserable when life gets “too good.”
  • Prefer to play the victim role and blame others rather than take personal responsibility for their choices.
  • Have difficulty setting and achieving goals, or conversely achieve goals only to find that they can’t enjoy their success.
  • Struggle to bounce back when things don’t go their way.
  • Distract, escape or cope by using drugs, alcohol, sexfood, or other addictive or compulsive behaviors.
  • Stop taking care of their basic needs, such as a healthy diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep.
  • Feel enslaved to their emotions and powerless to change.
  • Feel dissatisfied even when life is going well.
  • Have dramatic, unfulfilling relationships.

When someone is in the midst of misery and trauma it’s understandable to be a mess.

When trauma and triggers reoccur, we can naturally return to misery.

When we live chronically miserable, there can be a medical issue.  Or maybe it’s time for a wake-up call.

I have a friend who lived for a great length of time understandably swallowed up in sorrow over the circumstances of her family.  Addiction was ravaging more than a few people she dearly loved.  It was affecting her terribly; to the point she almost couldn’t function.

One evening she sat with a group of women who listened again as her tears, pain and worry poured out.  One of them leaned in to her and said “At some point, you’re going to have to stop the mourning, stand up tall and figure out how to fight!”

My friend was at first startled and offended.  But then she felt empowered.

After that day, she continued to allow herself a span of time to melt down when the weight of life felt crushing.  But after a few minutes, she’d take a breath, straighten her back and fight through it.

Sometimes pulling out a notebook to write down ideas of what she could do to make progress.

Sometimes she turned to trusted counsel for advice.  Sometimes she simply prayed (or breathed) her way through the situation moment by moment.

Whatever was needed to find peace, strength and serenity.

And to not remain stuck.

RECOVERY IS NOT ONE SIZE FITS ALL.

It’s a different process for everyone.  We have to figure out what gives us strength and courage to take steps toward progress.  Sometimes it’s melting down for a while, sometimes we need snapped out of it.

Whatever it takes, recovery, peace and positivity are possible.

Happiness is complicated. Some people find happiness even in situations that would challenge the most optimistic person.  Others are unhappy despite having it all. For some, happiness is fleeting and depends on their present circumstances, whereas others seem to be generally happy or generally unhappy no matter what is happening in their lives.

There are people living in the midst of great suffering who are positive and grateful.  There are those who have every need seemingly met, surrounded by family, friends and wealth and yet are full of misery.  It can often traced back to their mindset.

Tony Robbins often says our mind is not built to make us happy, it’s built to keep us alive.  Therefore, it’s naturally trained to look for what is wrong, that is a survival skill. It takes discipline to direct it out of negativity and onto what is positive and hopeful.

There will always be bad days, pain, difficulties and challenges.

What we do with the hand we’re dealt is what matters.

Think of life (and recovery) as a marathon.  The race always hurts.  Expect it to hurt. You don’t train so it doesn’t hurt, you train so you can tolerate it…and keep going.

“You can’t be grateful for crisis, grief, tragedy or misery.  But at every moment you have an opportunity to do something with what life has given you.  Grateful living means learning to avail yourself moment by moment to that opportunity.” ~Brother David Stendl-Rast

Still learning,

Annie

Author of Unhooked

Hooked on a Bad Memory – Article by Author Annie Highwater

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Hooked on a Bad Memory

 

Painful memories. We all have them. Things that still sting when they come to mind.

Recently I found myself hooked by one; prompting my old, miserable codependent tendencies to be activated. For a moment I wondered if all the recovery work I’d done had even mattered.

The issue arose when upon visiting a town close by, I passed a church I used to work for.  Out of nowhere an intense conversation I’d had with a close family member while working there came flooding back. This individual was a major player in my formative years, her thoughts mattered to me.

It is worth mentioning that this unrecovered relative had a toxic way of handling issues of conflict, faith and belief.  Her goal often seemed to be to win an argument with condemnation, shame and fear instead of making a point or solving a problem.

Common disputes usually ended with an attack on not only your identity, but your eternity.

In the course of the dispute that came to mind, I had been defending myself against her repeated list of everything wrong with me, most being things she believed were sending me to hell.  Eventually I brought up that her faith was actually supposed to be about love, forgiveness, becoming a new creation and how we each have worth.

Her response was, “No. Not you.”

As simplistic as that statement seems, what took root in my subconscious for years after was the shadow beliefthat I had zero worth and was beyond repair, forgiveness, or love.

Ultimately her bottom-line message was: “You are irreparably, intrinsically and permanently bad.”

Many of us have had people in our lives speak poisonous core beliefs into us, some since we were small children.  Prompting untrue, negative programming that tells us “You…are…just…bad.” 

These thoughts become our inner enemy.

For me, comments like that steered the course of my life for decades to come, leading me from one miserable, codependent situation to another.

When you don’t believe you are forgivable, lovable and valuable you can find yourself at the mercy of everything and everyone around you. Very often choosing friendships, relationships and settings that treat you like you don’t matter, as if you are always wrong, always bad.

Now granted, I’ve processed through most of my inner junk over the last ten plus years and this memory wasn’t as bad as some others.  Even still, when it returned I couldn’t shake it for days.  I was hooked on the injustice of it. The realization of how much damage these statements had done burned in my mind like a hot coal refusing to go out.

I caught myself revivifying that moment over and over and went completely limbic thinking about it.

Toxic words can cut through you and go deep, they have an ability to hurt and paralyze you for a very long time.

GETTING OFF THE HOOK

Depending on the severity of the effect, there are steps we can take to move past the pain of toxic memories.  Things like prayer, yoga, a recovery meeting, a 20-minute walk, DBT therapy resources, meditating on letting go and so on, are helpful tools.

I couldn’t seem to get past that memory in my own efforts. I knew I wasn’t in crisis, so I didn’t need to speak with a therapist for professional expertise. However, I needed something outside myself to move through it.

Sometimes you just need a safe place to offset the burden so you can get beyond it.

WHO DO YOU TURN TO?

When you find yourself hooked, turning to someone who can be trusted to be safe, kind, fair and wise is powerfully helpful.

Someone with compassion (the word compassion means “to suffer with”), who will be with you in the moment, validating and supporting.  Yet, not someone who will make you feel worse, help you stay stuck, or attack the one you’re at odds over.

I turned to someone I can trust, who knows my journey and gets my motives. I didn’t have to go deep into my story or defend that it was upsetting for me. She got all that.

I explained that I needed support to move through how enraged I was feeling.  My exact words were “I don’t need you to do anything, to agree or take my side, I just need someone to support me for a few minutes while I freak out about how terrible this feels so I can let it go and move on without walking around with it on me, or lashing out somehow because I’m struggling inside.”

“A problem shared is a problem cut in half.” After the 20 minute phone call, I felt a thousand pounds lighter.

I was able to let it go, returning to the knowledge that the unkind behavior had come from a damaged person and truly wasn’t my burden to carry for so many years.

It is never ours to carry, and yet so often we internalize mistreatment from others because we’re not whole or aware.

This is why recovery work is critical.

WHO NOT TURN TO

On another note, it is not helpful to turn to those who minimize your right to feel the upset or outrage.

Anyone who invalidates or belittles you in moments of intensity, implying that you’re being sensitive or ridiculous; rather than being a safe sounding board, is notyour foxhole friend. Such people make it worse.

I love the picture painted by Sherrie Campbell, Ph,D., when it comes to who we are wise not turn to in a moment of emotional stress:

“Get over it”

“This is a classic statement toxic people love to use to get us to stop disputing poor treatment. This statement takes the focus from the problem and places us in the position of being the problem..the person who “just can’t let things go.”

“Get over it” is an incredibly cruel thing to say to another person, especially someone who trusts you. Not only does this phrase tell you that they could not care less about how you feel or what you’re trying to express, but it also insinuates that if you were smarter, you would let it go.

“Get over it” says that what you think and feel is irrelevant and stupid. “Get over it” makes the toxic person the authority and frees them of any obligation to listen. How can that be healthy for anyone?

The only person this kind of statement works for, is the toxic person. They use these statements to shame you out of expressing yourself.  Seems awfully selfish and one-sided to me.”

***

Moving through anguish with self-compassion, which is different than self-care

Your most important relationship is with yourself.  Self-compassion means treating yourself like you would a good friend struggling with your same issue.

Give yourself a break, don’t beat yourself up for how you are feeling or the thoughts you’re having about a painful memory.  That only makes you feel worse.

Getting unhooked requires kindness from others, as well as yourself.

***

While still a work in progress, growth shows itself in the realization that even if a they hit hard and hang on for a while – flashbacks and triggers are now like mosquitoes, where before they were like elephants.

These days when I get hung up on a memory or a feeling, I am aware that I’ve made it through worse and passed through hard feelings before.

We can always remind ourselves that “this too shall pass.”

Like a slap across the face, the sting may last for a time but you can be sure that eventually, and especially with effort- the feelings will evaporate.  We don’t have to feel stuck, overwhelmed, or swept away for great lengths of time.

The goal is to feel, deal and heal.  And then let it go.

Moving on means letting go and pressing forward to what is better for you. Letting go of the pain, the poison and any thoughts toward changing what has already happened, in order to recover and rise.

“Let go of what has happened. 
Let go of what may come.
Let go of what is happening now.
Don’t try to figure anything out.
Don’t try to make anything happen.
Relax, right now, and rest.”
 ~ Tilopa

Recovering to me means feeling whole, confident and at peace in your own identity.

“Our worth and our belonging are not negotiated with other people, we carry those inside…” ~Brene Brown

For me personally, never again is the issue of my worth up for debate, it’s not on the table.  Nor will I allow myself to remain trapped by another’s unkind words and faulty perceptions.

And that is some great progress.

Still learning,

Annie

Author of Unhooked

*Book 2 coming soon!*

Recovered 903 – Earl H Part 1

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Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

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Call Recovered About Family and Recovery

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Tuesday Night, the Recovery Topic is Family and Recovery.”
 
When addiction strikes a family, it often breaks up into a series of roles. These roles are typically similar to the family member’s past behaviors. These roles are many but the most common ones can be described in the following way: the person suffering from addiction, the enabler, the hero, the scapegoat, and the mascot. While not every family will be large enough to fill these roles or the many others, members do change roles at various times.
Let’s talk about this solution.  Tap Speakpipe (preferred because the sound quality is excellent.  Use this method especially if you are outside the Unites States) or call 1-734-288-7510 and answer the following question(s):
When you first came in, how did you see your disease affect your family?
What was communication like with your family of origin when you were using?
How do secrets and denial keep a family sick?
Why are secrets and denial common in the alcoholic family?
Is your family part of a recovery program?
Recovered Podcast is live online every Tuesday at 6:30 pm EST as we record the show.  Join the fun and be part of the show.
If you would like to listen to the live stream of the show, just tap Recovered Chat and Live Stream.  
 
Click on our Show Notes we will use.

Step 12 – Recovered 900

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Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Call Us Now  http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

The Twelfth Step sums up our Twelve Step recovery program as a lifetime undertaking based on the practice of spiritual principles and service to others with the same addiction or compulsion.  Bill Wilson writes, “The joy of living is the theme of AA’s Twelfth Step, and action is its key word…Here we begin to practice all Twelve Steps of the program in our daily lives so that we and those about us may find emotional sobriety.”  The transforming power of the Twelve Steps is now focused on the whole of life, and the recovering alcoholic moves to a larger, more encompassing dimension: the world of the spirit.

 

What come first to mind?

Were you 12th stepped?

 

How do you do the 12th step?

 

What does the term “spiritual awakening” mean to you?

Have you had a spiritual awakening?  

How are you different than before program?

 

How does working the steps lead you to a spiritual awakening?

 

What message do you carry to the alcoholic who still suffers?  

Why is this important?

 

What 12 step work do you do?

What are the principles (Service is the 12th step principle) that we practice in all our affairs?

What service work do you do?

Why do you do it?

 

We Have Calls!

 

Steve from Oregon

https://www.speakpipe.com/messages

 

Mike from FLA

https://www.speakpipe.com/messages

Check out this episode!

How I Recovered From Hypervigilance – Article by Author Annie Highwater

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Are You Always on High Alert? How I Recovered From Hypervigilance

Like many I struggled for years with hypervigilance in group situations.  Therefore, I usually prefer solitude, or a small, safe crowd.

Hypervigilance brings about a state of increased anxiety. Other symptoms include: abnormally increased alertness, a high responsiveness to stimuli, and a constant scanning of the environment.

It has been a journey for me to rise from the ashes of trauma, dysfunction and chaos—in order to come to a place of peace and calm.

I couldn’t verbalize well to others what my internal struggle felt like until I began aggressively working to overcome it.  Basically, it was like having a mean voice interloping my own thoughts, always telling me to be afraid, to dread and to not ever forget I was lower than everyone around me.

This internal monologue was with me since I was a small child, often causing me to freeze or become awkward in social settings, while retreating inward—much to the confusion of those close to me.

Untangling from this thought process was one of the greatest hurdles of my life.

We can live in the mental stress of it for years. Always wondering who hates you, what you’ve done done wrong, and who might intentionally hurt you.

This was my life.  I was almost always on guard, overly self-conscious, while trying to discern who had the power in every setting, and what I could do, say, or not say to feel safe and at ease.

Which I rarely felt.

Traumatic stress, intense family criticism, dysfunction and conflict can make you feel like you are under siege at all times. For me, life at times felt like a tense walk across a tightrope.

It took serious work to recover from that codependent trap.

Heartache and intense misery (due to dysfunction and addiction crashing through my family a few years ago) led me to finally get fed up and sit down in the midst of my life—to seek healing and peace from trauma.

My goal was to finally deal with myself.  And then to recover and rise from the ashes, strong and whole.

Because hypervigilance is an after effect for many who have been traumatized or programmed into codependent behaviors, I am very often asked by others how one overcomes the internal dialogue and extreme alert feelings that come with it.

WHEN THIS IS YOUR BUILT IN WAY OF THINKING, HOW DO YOU RECOVER?

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

What worked for me (recovery and growth are a process unique for everyone, there is no one-size fits all), first began when two therapists came into my life socially.

Initially I couldn’t believe they’d want to be friends with me, I felt like I was too nervous and damaged for anyone strong to respect in friendship. But they were kind and sensitive to the struggle of mind I was in.

They each made me feel safe and validated.

Simultaneously they worked to untangle me from the high stress frame of mind I was prone to slip into, which I learned always centered around pre-programmed fear and worthlessness.

For five years the two of them spoke truth, strength, worth and value to me.  Gradually I untangled from the mess I’d been and became stronger and more confident.

I became comfortable with kind, healthy introspection and ownership.

That was the beginning. Which prompted me to make an effort toward progress every day.

Sometime later, I took five months of allotted, specific self-supportive time to pause and reflect on all I’d been through.  Whether it happened to me or I caused it.

I took this time to journal about painful areas of life. I also read, researched, and did hard, soul searching work.

I was extremely self-protective during that time.

During those months I kept in touch with therapy experts, listened to relevant podcasts, watched Ted Talks and YouTube videos, read pertinent books and articles and I bought a dialectical behavioral therapy workbook.

I wanted to be healthy and well! I used every resource possible to heal.

And most important – every chance I got I went to support meetings and listened to others share their experiences and victory over similar struggles.

I also put space between myself and anyone who might be negative or potentially harmful.

When you are trying to get over things, it’s not the time to take on anyone else’s problems or personality issues.  Especially if you have a cast of dysfunctional characters in your life. Sometimes you have to take yourself away from everybody in order to process and heal.

Taking time for yourself to become healthy and strong is vital. It’s not selfish!  It’s healthy.

Not everyone goes through a gutting process to heal from what they’ve come from.  But life throws painful curve-balls to us all, at some point we all need to recover from something.

While maybe one thing works for someone, several things may be needed for someone else. I can’t advise any one route that fits.  You have to find what works for you.

What I do know for sure is that improving messy areas of life will require self-awareness, reflective soul-searching work, and KINDNESS.

Kindness toward yourself, and kindness from a few trusted people close to you.

Kindness added to truth is a powerful healer. 

***

I compare recovery to the thought of turning a ship around. It takes time. It’s a process.

Recovering from trauma and dysfunctional pathology can feel like an autopsy and open heart surgery at once.  And then a complete rebuild of your internal hard drive.

I can say for myself, working on recovering is what worked.  I finally got free of the wreckage.

Though I can get triggered pretty quick – I can say this, hypervigilance does get better with work. It’s not something I regularly deal with anymore.  When I do it’s on a much smaller scale.

After doing the work, you start noticing certain things don’t happen anymore. Or if they do, they have a totally different effect.

Triggers become like flies whereas before they were like elephants.

The truth is, I come from a high degree of dysfunction.  Addiction, conflict and chaos have run amok through my life.  That’s part of who I am.  I will probably always have high-tuned awareness and a degree of ultra-sensitivity. But now it’s a more helpful, protective version.

These days I discern people, places and situations with wisdom in my favor, versus through a filter of fear and worthlessness.

And that for me is proof that recovery and rebuilding have taken place.

Freedom and peace from torment—is better than anything in my opinion!

know what it is to be feral and damaged, yet have support come along and treat you with enough respect, kindness and value to walk you out of your mess.

I also know the life-altering power of putting time and effort into oneself in order to overcome what has happened in your life.

A full recovery is possible for anyone.

Recovery works if you work it, you’re worth it—so work it!

Still learning,

Annie

Author of Unhooked

Book 2: Unbroken, Navigating the Madness of Family Dysfunction, Addiction, Alcoholism and Heartache” coming soon

Staying Sober on St. Patrick’s Day

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Thank you Caleb for this article. 

 

 

Six Ways to Stay Sober this St. Patrick’s Day

 

Holidays can be a difficult time for those in the midst of recovery from addiction. For recovering alcoholics, St. Patrick’s Day might seem like the kind of holiday that is best avoided altogether. However, making the decision not to drink doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t celebrate any traces of Irish heritage, and there is much more to Irish culture than drinking.

 

If you want to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day this year without giving up your sobriety, here are six ways you can have fun without picking up a single pint.

 

  1. Hang Out with the Right Crowd

 

The key to having a successfully sober St. Patrick’s Day is by choosing the right people to spend it with. We all have that group of friends who like to really turn things up during the holidays, and are likely going to want to do much of the same for the biggest drinking holiday of the year. While these friends are probably great to be around, they won’t do you any good when trying to stay sober for the holidays. This is why you probably shouldn’t follow your friends as they crawl from pub to pub. Sometimes, just being in the wrong environment can be enough to push us to make a decision we’ll later regret.

 

  1. Watch the Parade

 

Just because you’ve decided to stay away from the bars, doesn’t mean you can’t get out there and enjoy the holiday. It wouldn’t be St. Paddy’s Day without a loud and colorful parade rolling through your town. These kinds of public events are great to really soak in the spirit of the holiday without pouring a couple spirits yourself.

 

  1. Sign Up for a St. Paddy’s Day Run

 

Another staple for many cities all across America is some sort of St. Patrick’s Day run. Whether you are in shape, or on the path to better health, training for a race can be the perfect way to abstain from drinking while reaping the benefits of running. Signing up for a race on St. Patrick’s Day will give you a goal to work towards. As you focus your efforts on training for the race, you’ll have a good reason to stay away from bad habits and unhealthy behaviors.

 

  1. Attend a Concert or Event

 

While many point to drinking as the number one export of Ireland, there is still much more that the country has to offer. Irish culture is world-renowned for its musical heritage from catchy sing-along folk tunes, to modern punk-ballads. If you enjoy any form of live music, then you might consider attending one of the many public concerts or events dedicated to celebrating Irish culture. Singing along and tapping your toes to the music is a great way to celebrate the culture without depending on alcohol for a good time.

 

  1. Prepare Your Own Irish Supper

 

If you feel like avoiding heading out this year, there are a few ways you can enjoy St. Patrick’s Day from the comfort of your own home. One way to celebrate is by preparing your own big Irish-inspired dinner. There is no shortage of delicious Irish recipes that you can prepare such as corned beef and cabbage, shepherd’s pie and Irish stew.

 

  1. Throw Your Own Party

 

Since you’re already going through the effort of preparing a big Irish meal, why not invite a couple of close friends and host your own St. Patrick’s Day party? Hosting your own sober party allows you to enjoy the holiday your way, without the need for any alcoholic beverages. Make your own DIY decorations for your Shamrock-colored party so you can enjoy  the holiday with your BFFs.

 

Whether you decide to stay in or head out, there are many ways to enjoy St. Patrick’s Day without ever picking up an alcoholic beverage. Everyone deserves to have an exciting during a holiday.

 

Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

 

Call Recovered About Step 12

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MONDAY Night, the Recovery Topic is “Step 12.”

The Twelfth Step sums up our Twelve Step recovery program as a lifetime undertaking based on the practice of spiritual principles and service to others with the same addiction or compulsion. The transforming power of the Twelve Steps is now focused on the whole of life, and the recovering alcoholic moves to a larger, more encompassing dimension: the world of the spirit.

Let’s talk about this solution. Tap Speakpipe (preferred because the sound quality is excellent. Use this method especially if you are outside the Unites States) or call 1-734-288-7510 and answer the following question(s):

How do you carry the message of recovery?
What message do you carry to the alcoholic who still suffers?
Why is this important to your program?
What 12 step work do you do?

Recovered Podcast is live online every Tuesday at 6:30 pm EST as we record the show. Join the fun and be part of the show.
If you would like to listen to the live stream of the show, just tap Recovered Chat and Live Stream.

Click on our Show Notes we will use.

Check out this episode!

Recovered 898 – Chuck C New Pair of Glasses Part 6

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This is the 6th part of a 6 part talk given by Chuck C.  These talks formed the basis for his famous book, “A New Pair of Glasses.”

To listen to the other 5 talks, please consider becoming a Premium member of the Recovered Podcast.  When you become Premium, you will have access to:

  • Chuck C’s New Pair of Glasses Talks
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  • Talks by Sandy Beach
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Just go to http://recoveredcst.com/freeapp

for more information on how to become a Premium Member

Our generous Recovered Podcast Community allows us to be self supporting and not rely on outside contributions.  If you would like to join us, there are two ways.

  1. Episode Sponsorship  We will recognize you by first name only at the top, mid, and end of the episode.  Any amount will qualify.
  2. Premium Membership  This is the single most effective way to support the show.  Watch the video in its entirety and learn how to become Premium

Call and leave a message and become part of the show

http://recoveredcast.com/speakpipe

Check out this episode!