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Mark S

Grief, Loss, and Recovery – Recovered 445

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For the benefit of our  listeners who may be new to the show,

On July 2, 2013 our oldest son died suddenly and our lives have been forever changed. Andrew struggled with addictions and mental illness for at least 12 years before he took his own life.
This podcast is one of hope.

Loss and grief will come to everyone.

But we want to encourage you that 12 step groups can equip you with tools that can help you  to cope these disasters. You don’t have to believe that these tools will work for you but you do have to believe that they are working for us most of the time, some of the time?

Anna, welcome back to the studio

Anna, tell us a little about yourself, when did you first come into a 12 step program?

Our listeners took part in a survey to help us prepare for this show.

The question we asked was “How Do You Cope With Grief”.  

Anna, your thoughts on the survey?

Well, Anna, let’s jump into this segment of Grief, Loss, and Recovery.

First of all, Anna, what would you like our listeners to know about your son Andrew?
What has been the some of the most difficult things you have faced since Andrew’s death?
How has your 12 step program helped here?
What else was helpful?

Tell me about denial.  Have you experienced denial this past year?
How? How did you face denial?
As for me
Thought it was a Set up at first, Now, I find myself expecting  to hear from him.

Anger is something that i have really struggled with.  Have you been angry about Andrew’s death?
At who and why?
What did you learn about anger? need to forgive
As for me, I was angry with al anon and AA, angry with self as a way of mothering andrew

Did you go through the bargaining phase after Andrew’s death?
What did you learn?

What about isolation?
What did you learn?
What steps or what part of the program helped?

How about depression?
Did you experience guilt?
What steps, slogan, part of the program helped?

Where are you with acceptance?

Check out this episode!

App For Traverse City Fall Round Up

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I’ll be speaking at the TC Fall Roundup. We would love to see you there.

Our app for this regional conference is ready!  You can get it by typing this URL into any smartphone browser:  Please share as you wish, and feel free to get it on your phone as a mobile program for the roundup.

How Do You Cope With Loss and Grief?

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Help Anna and me prepare for our next Episode on Monday, September 30 and take this survey.  Join us live at 6:30 pm EDT (-4 GMT).

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

Fear of Change – Recovered 444

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Let’s begin by talking about fear in general, and let’s check what our listeners had to say
Question posed on our website at
When You Were New, What Did You Fear?

OK, what about fear and the spiritual life, it there a connection? (p 52 of BB)
Let’s read from the big book, page 52 for those keeping score at home

We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people – was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important than whether we should see newsreels of lunar flight? Of course it was.

When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did.

Let’s talk about the relationship between fear and self-centeredness? (p. 62 of BB)
Let’s read from page 62 of the big book of alcoholics anonymous.

Selfishness – self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so

What about fear and the steps, any thoughts? (p. 67 BB) and solution (p. 68, 75, 84,145)

Now let’s talk specifically about the Fear of Change

We asked our listeners to help us prepare for this show, so we asked them about their fears.  This is what they told us

What changes were you most fearful of when you first came in?
What do you think is the root cause of your fears early on?
Did it change?  How?  In what way?
What is it like now?
How is it different today?

Regarding fear, what steps, tools, slogans are most helpful for you early on and now?

Check out this episode!

This Week’s Survey: Fear

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Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

Old Friends – Recovered 443

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Have you ever relapsed?

Were you with using friends?

When you first came in, what did you think about the current friends you had?

Did you still hang out with them?

What advice were you given on this subject of being in wet places with wet faces?

What did you tell your friends?

Do you think you can ever associate with people that drink?

Can you be in an environment where there is active drinking?

Does it bother you now?

Did it bother you when you were new?

What are some factors is determining if you can be with drinking friends?

Length of sobriety, does it matter? Why?

At peace with recovery, does it matter? Why?

Finished the 12 Steps, does it matter? Why?

Your sponsor’s opinion, does it matter? Why?

Check out this episode!

Help Us Prepare for Our next Show

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Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

9th Step – Recovered 441

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What were your first thoughts of making amends?

What did you think was involved?

What was actually involved, what was your experience?

Tell us about an amend gone well

Why did it go well? What are lessons learned?

Tell us about an amend gone badly

Why did it go badly? What are lessons learned?

What are some of your suggestions?

Your thoughts about…

1.  Feel the feeling first,

think about what it will be like saying the words of amends and how it will feel

2.  Understand what it takes to make an amends

Must be over anger, resentments, jealousy before facing the person

3.  Write down reasons why your making amends

4.  Prepare what you are going to say

5.  Resolve solutions

Prepare how you will propose to make the situation right.

6.  Keep it simple

7.  Move on regardless

Check out this episode!

Help Us Prepare Our Next Show

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The Recovery Topic on Monday is “The Dos and Don’ts of the 9th Step”.  Take our survey and help us out.

I forgot to include “Friend”, so please include in the comments sections.

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

Looking For More Recovery?

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Do you know any addicts?  Have you been affected by a sponsee that relapsed?  Listen to he recovery Show at

Here’s a Promo