We all know about the “other shoe” and how we’re supposed to wait for it to drop. There are two basic assumptions in this expression. The first is that the drop of the second shoe is inevitable. The other assumption is that the drop of the second shoe is usually something bad.
For us alcoholics, it is common that we periodically experience a sense of foreboding that positive situations will not last. In our experiences as alcoholics, bad things can and do happen. In tangible ways, in ways that have been a result of our own behavior.
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For Al-Anons, the trauma of active alcoholism real and horrific. Fear and anxiety can be common companiangs for the Al-Anon as they look to their future with a hypothetical relapse of a sober loved as part of that future.
Tonight, we talk about it. We talk about waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Let’s address the mail first,
Let’s turn to you first Anna, as a person who lived through my alcoholism and early recovery.
What are your first thoughts about this email?
How did you plan for your future when I was new?
What about the impact of my active alcoholism on our marriage especially when I was new?
How about now when you think about the negative impact my drinking had on the family?
Ok Luiz, coming to you
Any thoughts on the email or the discussion that Anna and I just had?
What does waiting for the other shoe to drop men to you?
Have you experienced it?
How does it manifest for you?
What character defects are working when this happens?
How can the program help?
Do you live with dread?
What was it like when you were new?
What helped then?
What is it about being an alcoholic that makes us vulnerable?
What makes the al-anon vulnerable to this syndrome?
We asked our listeners about this topic.
“What do you think has contributed to your experiencing “waiting for the other shoe to drop” syndrome?”
Did you take the survey?
What would be your answer?
Do you think your drinking behavior has created this syndrome in others?
What can you do about this?
What part of the program can help?
What things, what trauma, has occurred in your life that may have contributed to you “waiting for the other shoe?”
How do you cope?
We are about solutions here at the Recovered Podcast. So let’s talk about some suggestions that I have found.
First up. Try being Present and being mindful.
How does being mindful help?
How does being present help?
What slogan comes to mind here?
2. Next suggestion is to “Try savoring life”.
That is, meditate on positive emotions or events. For example, I can take several minutes, and relive my whole vacation to ireland. Town by town, remembering the names of each town,, the sites, the smells, the spiritual experience, the positive life affirming conversations with really awesome people…
Why do you think this may be of help for some?
3. Introduce some logic to your thoughts.
Sometimes our thoughts can run away from us, going down a path that we know isn’t logical or helpful.
In the case of anticipating something negative, I’ve found that I can best stop the thoughts with this simple reasoning: “Yes, it is inevitable that something bad will happen at some point, but I don’t know when or where. So, I might as well enjoy what I’m feeling now so later I won’t regret not having enjoyed that time when things were going well.”
4. Practice gratitude.
Being aware of what we have in our lives orients us to the present. We can always find something or someone to appreciate, and in showing this appreciation we gain an increased awareness of its beauty.
5. Spend time with people who also like to live fully.
What would you say to the new person about waiting for the other shoe to drop?
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