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Mark S

Help Us Prepare For The Next Show on Greed

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Our next show will be Monday, February 3, 2014 at 6:30 PM EST (-5 GMT).  The Recovery Topic will be “Greed”.  Join us live and contribute to the show in our chat room.

Click the Chat Room to join us live

To help us prepare for the show, take our survey.

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

Pride and Ego – Recovered 461

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What is Pride?

: a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people

: a feeling that you are more important or better than other people

: a feeling of happiness that you get when you or someone you know does something good, difficult, etc.

 

When is it good?

When is it bad?

What’s the difference?

 

Interview with erika – CLICK ON ITUNES

 

How does it relate to recovery?

What does our literature say about pride?

p 48-49 of 12 and 12

p. 25 BB

 

Interview with Linda – CLICK ON ITUNES

What steps are used to evaluate?

What prayers are used?

What are the symptoms of pride moving to character defect?

 

Bronte from Australia – CLICK ON ItUNES

 

What is ego?

We asked our Recovered Podcast audience thie question, what is ego to you?

https://www.surveymonkey.com/analyze/7PjC3H7riLZXf9j3Gsbaa7KWSgclvELIXVPwcMO3GOw_3D

 

The self

a. An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.

b. Appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem.

 

What is ego in recovery language?

How does it relate to recovery?

What does our literature say about ego?

What steps are used to evaluate?

What prayers are used?

 

Liz Lemon – NEXT TAB OVER

 

How does ego and pride relate?

 

Final Thoughts

 

http://anonpress.org/bb/

http://aa.org/twelveandtwelve/en_tableofcnt.cfm

 

http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/thought.view?catId=1901

 

Check out this episode!

Help Us Prepare For Our Next Show on Pride and Ego

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Our next show will be Monday, January 27, 2014 at 6:30 pm EST (-5 GMT).  The topic will be “Pride and Ego”.  Help us prepare by taking the following survey.

Join us live and contribute to the chat room or go ahead and call in and leave us a question on the topic of “Pride and Ego.”

Join The Chat Room

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

Bonus 003 – Alex_H_Jail_Meeting-2014-01-22 Recovered 460

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A life in the day of Alex H. from Austin Texas.  Thank you Alex for your contribution to the show!

Become a Premium Subscriber to listen to this show and about 400 other Premium Episodes.
Just Click here for Premium Subscriber details.

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Toxic Relationships in Recovery – Recovered 459

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What is a toxic relationship?

How did they develop in your life before recovery?

How did they develop in recovery?

Is there a pattern?

 

How has recovery helped regarding difficult relationships?

What about toxic relationships with work?

with school?

with church?

with the law?

 

How do you handle toxic relationships within the family of origin?

What recovery tools do you use?

What steps?

What slogans?

What prayers?

How does your higher power fit in these situations?

Avoiding Toxic Relationships in Recovery

 

Here are six principles and prescriptions that might be of help.

 

1. Individual healing must precede relationship healing. Encourage your partner to get help for herself or himself via counseling or participation in groups like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon so that he or she can relearn to trust, forgive past injuries, and resist the urge to control your recovery efforts.

 

2. The very thing everyone has been hoping and praying for—RECOVERY—can threaten an intimate relationship. Because of all the feelings and patterns of behaviors that developed during the addiction years, the adjustment to recovery can exert great strain on intimate and family relationships. Expect such strain. It is a normal part of the recovery process.

 

3. Relational healing takes time. Remind yourselves to be patient with one another through this process. All that is wrong with the relationship does not reverse itself the moment recovery begins. The relationship must recover also, and this will proceed, like personal recovery, in ebbs and flows over time.

 

4. Relational healing may require outside professional help. Such help may increase the prospects of successful recovery and the prospects of salvaging the relationship.

 

6. Some relationships are not salvageable in recovery. In spite of the best efforts of those involved, not all intimate relationships will survive the recovery process. When it is clear a relationship will not survive, find a way to disengage from the relationship with as little damage to all

involved. This disengagement process may also require outside professional help.

For those entering recovery not in a committed relationship, there are the twin pitfalls of getting involved in another relationship too quickly and getting involved in relationships that are destructive to your personal health, safety and recovery. These pitfalls can be a particular problem for those who have come out of a turbulent family background or who have a history of stormy relationships. The process of selecting intimate partners is complicated by assortative mating.

Assortative mating is the process through which we select intimate partners based on similarities or differences with ourselves. This is a natural process, but can get complicated when we’ve developed a pattern of picking individuals who mirror our own destructive processes. Selecting partners that consistently mirror our own problems or abuse and/or abandon us brings chaos and emotional distress to an already fragile situation—early recovery. Needless to say, the drama and disruption of such relationships can undermine the most sincere recovery efforts.

 

Here are some suggested guidelines that may be of help.

1. Inventory your past relationships. Are there common patterns to how these relationships begin and end? Are you drawn to partners that also have severe alcohol and/or other drug problems? Do you seem to be drawn to a particular type of partner that ends up hurting you emotionally or physically? Does it feel like you keep re-enacting the same painful dramas in your life?

2. Define your pattern of vulnerability in relationships. It is good to get to know yourself as a person in recovery before getting into new relationships. Based on the above inventory, complete the following sentence: I need to avoid getting into relationships with individuals who _____________________________________________.

3. Define early warning signs. It may be helpful to work with a counselor or others who have had similar relationship problems.

Warning signs that tell me I want to avoid starting a relationship with someone.

1. ___________________________________________________

2. ____________________________________________________

3. ____________________________________________________

4. _____________________________________________________

5. _____________________________________________________

Early warning signs that tell me I need to get out of a relationship that has begun

1. ___________________________________________________

2. ____________________________________________________

3. ____________________________________________________

4. _____________________________________________________

5. _____________________________________________________

4. Consider remaining out of a serious relationship through your early months of recovery. This is one way to avoid “jumping from the frying pan into the fire.” Early recovery requires enormous energy. This is a time requiring a great deal of focus on yourself. If you are not in a serious relationship, consider this as a “time-out” period to get yourself together.

5. Define what you do want in a relationship. Complete the following sentence.

What I am seeking in a relationship is a man or woman who has the following characteristics:

1. ___________________________________________________

2. ____________________________________________________

3. ____________________________________________________

4. _____________________________________________________

5. _____________________________________________________

5. Seek a relationship coach (a counselor, friend or peer in recovery) to guide you through your first relationships in recovery.

6. If you find your old relationship pattern continuing, get into a long-term therapy relationship that focuses on breaking this pattern.

 

7. Assertively manage your own safety and the safety of your children at all times.

 

Check out this episode!

Help Us Prepare For The Next Show

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Join us Monday at 6:30 pm EST (- 5 GMT)
The Recovery Topic will be Toxic Relationships in Recovery
Take our Survey!

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

Join Us Live on 1/13/2014

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Join us live on Monday, January 13, 2014 at 6:30 pm EST (- 5 GMT)
Our Recovery Topic will be “Toxic Relationships in Recovery”
Use this link to join us live
Join Us Live in the Chat Room

Here are some of our talking points

What is a toxic relationship?
How did they develop in your life before recovery?
How did they develop in recovery?
Is there a pattern?


How has recovery helped regarding difficult relationships?

How do you handle toxic relationships within the family of origin?

What recovery tools do you use?
What steps?
What slogans?
What prayers?

How does your higher power fit in these situations?

Sober During the Holidays – Recovered 458

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Over the course of the last few weeks, many of us struggled to maintain our sobriety.  We will talk about and review why this was, what we did early on, and how we maintain our sobriety now.

 

Also, if you’re new and you haven’t yet been able to quit and you want this to be your last holiday in a fog, we will tell  you about our last holiday and how grateful we don’t have to do that anymore.  We know that you think you don’t have a choice, we didn’t have one either, but you have to believe us when we say there is a solution.

SURVEY SAYS

Your thoughts?

What has been your experience? what did the holidays use to be like?

 

What do you recommend for the new guy going through his first Holiday season?

 

Here are some suggested tips, what do you think, what has been your experience

Tips to Stay Sober During the Holidays

  • Plan Your Days. Let your sponsor or friend in recovery know where you will be, and have their phone number with you in case you need encouragement.

  • Have a Plan B. If you must attend a party or gathering where alcohol is being served, have an escape route or alternative place to go if you suddenly feel uncomfortable around the alcohol, like for a coffee or out to a movie.

  • Be Specific When Offered a Drink. Instead of awkwardly telling the person that you’re a recovering alcoholic, just say “Sure, a Coke/Sprite/water with lemon would be great.”

  • Outsmart the Disease. Stay connected to sober people, places, and things. Don’t go to places serving alcohol if you don’t need to.

  • Take Extra Care of Yourself. Remember to slow down and take some quiet time for yourself during this busy time of year.

  • Don’t Overindulge. Go easy on the holiday sweets, exercise regularly, and don’t try to do too much.

  • Find New Ways to Celebrate Create some new symbols and rituals that will help redefine a joyful holiday season. You might host a holiday gathering for special recovering friends and/or attend celebrations of your 12 Step group.

Final Thoughts

 

http://anonpress.org/bb/

http://aa.org/twelveandtwelve/en_tableofcnt.cfm

 

http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/thought.view?catId=1901

 

Check out this episode!

Best Of Recovered Anna From Spera – Recovered 457

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We are taking some time off for the holidays.  In the meantime, enjoy a Best Of Recovered Episode featuring Anna from Dawn Fam’s Spera, their Detox Center.

Check out this episode!

Scott PDX and His Experience Strength and Hope

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This was provided by one of our listeners, Scott PDX


I wanted to share my first step with you. Pretty easy instructions from my sponsor, Matt–a kind and glorious soul with over 25 years of sobriety. He told me do a bunch of reading and then write an essay on Step One.


Truth be told, I was not dragged to the fellowship kicking and screaming. At 37 years of age, death was upon me. I was broken and no longer ashamed to ask for help. So, I jumped headlong into the process. This has all come pretty easy for me. I was making a lousy God. I needed a new strategy. This will work if you GIVE UP your will to fix yourself. Our plans for ourselves SUCK. Let your Higher Power work through the community around you. Melt into these rooms. You will evolve.



Step One:
“We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.”
And so our scholarly journey begins—the written account of my disease, my allergy—my obsession.
Admitting powerlessness is not in my nature. In fact, accepting weakness is not in any of our natures. It is as if its mere acknowledgement forever exposes the lightly-furred underbelly of our being. In my youth, my feelings were not recognized by my parents. I endured horrible depression and sadness at the hands of miscommunication and our inherent inability to connect. I was not raised by cold and calculated hands—more the unsure arms of a shaky public figure. Those cold hands could have shown purpose and intent. I knew not what my purpose was… and only the intent that I would become just as successful and show-worthy as my father’s friends’ children.


However, I was unfocused and undersized. I had to keep my defenses up to dodge bullies, teachers and coaches. Looking around, I found myself on sports teams and in school clubs that did not seem to value my attendance. I was looked over, frequently, and possibly underestimated. These factors caused me to embody a self-conscious inadequacy. I tried to navigate life unseen—for as long as possible.


As I entered adulthood, my resume became littered with numerous fledgling failures. I was kicked out of several schools for my failure to perform. I held jobs for only months at a time. None of the females I met seemed to find any interest in me—as I was absolutely terrified of them.


When I met Jennifer, things began to change. She was the living embodiment of so many personal characteristics that I admired. She attributed it all to her four-year tour in the U.S Marine Corps. My destiny was revealed. No more would I be this down-trodden pussy pushover that went unnoticed by the world. I was going to take my fate into my own hands and enter adulthood in a way that no one could deny. Achieving the title “Marine” would become my “yellow sun” and no Kryptonite could stop me.


Up until this time I had consumed irresponsibly. I had smoked some and hallucinated on other such drugs. Alcohol and drug use was fun. It was something we all did. My eight years in the service found me drinking whenever humanly possible. Our events contained components that glorified alcohol consumption. Its numbing effects were such that I could drown out the still-present self-hatred and depression in my life.


I had never considered that my post-military alcohol usage was chronic or problematic. I just drank. We all drank. A lot. After all—if I could be killed, it would have happened already, right? In 2006, the year of my discharge, I became a contractor… a civilian with a regular job that reflected the job skills that I acquired while I was in the Corps. I lived in Key West and I was consumed with becoming a regular at every bar that I liked. I became known as quite a party boy. I wanted to live the island life. I played in bands and attended events. However, when the drinking was done, I was expected to attend my job—coherently. This is where I could start seeing the problem with my lifestyle. My health quickly began to fade. My feet began to swell and hurt. I could feel my physiology failing me. I would catch every cold and become laid out by any hangover. I became emotionally unstable. During fits of intoxication I would call people back home and cry. It was pathetic. I was starting to spiral out of control, but no one would really put their foot down to stop me. I would come in late to work. I didn’t want to be there, I couldn’t. I could sense that the way I lived wasn’t normal… but I wasn’t a normal guy, right? I was a tough Marine, riddled with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and the host of problems that it carried. The drinking seemed to keep my mind off of my mind. It also seemed to pull me deeper and deeper into degeneration.


Our move to Augusta, GA in 2008 was a life-saving act of God. It took me out of the fire. However, the frying pan I was standing in was heated by the hatred of my new job. A recent doctor visit slammed me with a diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes. This was bad. How did a bad-ass Marine become a fatted pig of a man? I was bloated with calories… and by my allergy to alcohol. Clearly this was a good reason to stop drinking. Diabetes was not a joke—it had taken the life of a 30-year-old friend just a year prior. I was heart-broken by the idea that I should not drink anymore. How can you ask a man to ignore his caregiver? Alcohol was my maid, my mother, my lover and my best friend. It was an instant vacation. Where would I be without my escape?


No one made me stop… and so I kept on drinking. I tested the waters with moderation, but that was boring and ineffective. I could not moderate. Moderation showed a lack of commitment. I was not a moderate man. I live in a world of extremes. Moderation would not instill the endurance to stay awake on the front lines for two days without sleep. Moderation did not get the girl and moderation could not repel the pain around me.


With no impending catastrophes… I kept drinking. I stopped taking my medication–a death sentence. I mean, I can’t be any different than the hundreds of millions that have died from this in the past. I just hadn’t hit bottom yet.


Then I got really drunk and wrecked my car in a snowstorm. That was the snow’s fault and not my own, right? The cop that rescued me could not, or would not acknowledge that I was extremely impaired. I got away again.
After Thanksgiving week of 2012, I was finally struck with an acute case of Pancreatitis. It was a hospital stay that was grueling. My blood sugar and cholesterol were so bad that I almost died. I was not allowed food for a week. I felt like I had been shot in the stomach with a revolver. During my recovery in my hospital bed, I had a roommate that was on dialysis due to extreme alcohol use. He reeked. He was a lousy human being to share a room with and I wished that he’d just die or leave. He was a living example of just how bad it could be.


With a week out of work, I had nothing to worry about other than reformatting my life. I had my wife bring me a small kettlebell to work out with in my hospital room. I would walk laps around the recovery ward. My enemy was my blood sugar. I would not lie in bed and let it rise and fall. I would drive it from my body. I would beat Diabetes, starting now. Drinking brought me here, and from here I would fight. I listened to a song called “Destroy Everything” by Hatebreed, continuously. The anthem called for me to “obliterate what makes me weak” and “rebuild and start again.” The doctors had finally put their foots down, collectively: “NO MORE ALCOHOL, EVER.” That’s it. The bar was set. That was the extreme finality of it all. My maid, mother, friend and lover, Alcohol, was to be summarily executed like deposed dictator.
I was released from the hospital on the eighth day with the stomach the size of a walnut, a broken pancreas and the heart of a lion. I returned to work, deftly dodging the inevitable questions of why I was gone. After all, I wasn’t going to just tell them:


“I am an alcoholic, whose inability to manage and moderate his life has caused me to over-indulge and compromise the integrity of everything around me.”


Yeah, that shit wasn’t happening. I couldn’t lie, though. I was a diabetic… and I wasn’t taking my medication. That was the reason I told them. Admitting to alcoholism was out of the question, despite its obvious truth. My colleagues continued to goad me with drinks, trips to the bar and six-packs. I found ways to turn them down but on the inside I was crawwwwwwllling. My temper was villainous. I could not control my thinking patterns. I could not be close to anyone. On the 25th day of my promise to live an alcohol-free life, I gave in and drank two beers. Sadly, they were just as delicious as I’d remembered them. The tingle in my throat and stomach was familiar. My face became flush and my body became relaxed. I was home again. I was hoping that I would experience a crippling guilt but it did not come. Dedicated to making this a positive event, I began putting rules on my drinking. I would only drink a certain amount at a certain time. Those rules began to flex. Within a matter of weeks, I was drinking WHILE driving, throwing beer cans out of the window like a derelict, and hiding alcohol in my car. The truth was blinding.


“I am an alcoholic, whose inability to manage and moderate his life has caused me to over-indulge and compromise the integrity of everything around me.”


Even as certain death stares me in the face, I continued to drink. I would enjoy smaller amounts—because becoming too intoxicated would reveal the truth to my wife. I would not stop though. The small amounts were too much to ignore. I was proposed the idea that I needed to go to meetings. I needed AA. Against everything I had hoped was true about myself, I agreed and went to that first meeting. I felt that I had been beaten. Life had beaten me. I loved life and I love my wife more than I love being right, though. I can push past the stigma of 12-step programs and just give in. Apparently they have a better track record than I do. I have to trust something besides myself. I have to learn to let go of the things I wish to control, bind my hands and feet, and throw myself defenselessly into recovery.

Scott PDX